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Showing posts from 2010

The Year That Was

Yes, it is that time of the year when I take stock! If there is one word that would describe the year gone by, it is ‘change’. I turned 30 (‘old’, by my own definition 15 years back), and became a lot wiser. Experience is of course, a great teacher! I changed jobs and I changed cities, both of them for the better (or so I hope!). I have put my kid in playschool and that required a huge change in my psyche.

During the year I tried to do some form of self improvement from time to time, but wasn’t hugely successful. I traveled internationally with my kid and that was something I always wanted to do.

There weren’t any major disappointments and thus here goes a genuine note of gratitude to the God within us and to friends, loved ones and strangers who have brought smiles to my face last year knowingly or unknowingly! Wish You All Joy and Peace !

Roles and Responsibilities

Even after putting my baby to play school things have not changed much at the home front…Probably will, in a few days time once everyone gets used to the new routine. Meanwhile, hubby is getting increasingly frustrated that I am dependent on my mom to look after my baby. He feels it is perfectly fine to leave the child with a maid and quotes numerous successful examples of this mode of child rearing. For every example that he gives, I have a counter example where things have gone awfully wrong ‘cos the child was entrusted with an uneducated stranger!
Now, hubby wants to leave for a course outside the state and his logic is that since it is my insistence on rearing the baby without a maid (we do have house help, but her responsibilities do not include babysitting) I should manage home and my mom myself.
His parents have time for a lot of socializing but would never help look after the baby even for one day. This leads to some important questions:
1. Do grandparents have any responsibility…

Appreciation

I wonder why is it hard to appreciate somebody but extremely easy to find faults! Is it one's insecurity that prevents one from appreciating something good about another person? In some cases, its quite the opposite as well…There could be an exaggerated sense of self, which makes one feel that he/she is the best in what they do and thus always measure others against this (oft) imaginary pedestal on which they have placed themselves. But a lack of positive stroke causes one to wither and die. When someone is too hard to please, then you stop trying…I have been thinking about appreciation (or rather the lack of it) in two very different aspects of my life – my personal life and my professional life..Well, I thought a lot about whether to even put these things down in this blog and whether it would be construed as a washing of dirty linen in public…However, my readership is so minimal that these things shouldn't exactly be worrying me JMy mom is a tough task master. No maid or dr…

First Day in School

Yep, after much deliberation I have put my son in playschool starting today. Only time will tell if my decision was the right one in terms of choice of school, timing etc. The school was good in a lot of respects and satisfied most of my criteria – a healthy student-teacher ratio, clean environment, and insistence on not wearing a diaper and so on. However, one major flip side is that his teacher's daughter is in the same class and the teacher is not mature enough to treat her as 'just another student'. Therefore, that child is perpetually on the teacher's lap and gets most of her attention…I wonder how the other kids will react to this.I had mixed emotions the previous night as I still feel that 2.3 is too young an age to be taken away from home. However, I am sick and tired of the constant bullying from both sets of parents (mine and hubby's – one by an act of commission and the other by an act of omission, but more on that later) and hence have decided that mayb…

Life's Like That: Season 2

Proud mom and dad asks the classic question to baby whose vocab has recently improved by leaps and bounds..."So, baby whom do you like more - mom or dad? amma ishtam or acha ishtam?"
Mom wonders whether baby will respond truthfully like her or diplomatically like hubby..."Would he like me better or hubby better? How can I gain some brownie points with him...are boys always dad's pets?...."
Mom is snapped back from her thoughts back into reality after ten seconds...Baby has given the question due consideration and come up with a very truthful answer "ponna.. Monlal ishtam..." (translated to "ponna loves Mohanlal!")
And such was born the youngest fan of the great actor !

Dazzling Dubai

Went for my first international trip with my baby....And thoroughly enjoyed it...We went for a week to Dubai...Had my lovely cousin there...Her entire family went out of the way to make us feel at home! My baby had a great time with her kids who were mature beyond their ages and played amazingly well with him...He also decided that he loves Pringles and kept gorging on them...We went for a desert safari and I realized that nature holds her poetry even in a so called 'barren' desert...Saw the Dubai mall and the Emirates mall...didn't shop much though...Met a very dear friend who had gone through some rough patches in life, but now seems happy...I hope she stays that way for the rest of her life...
The biggest positive aspect about the trip was that I realised how my kid has grown up and is now ready to spend a lot of time by himself...This has renewed my confidence in travelling with him and has also given me enough courage to make some much overdue changes in my life...If e…

Traveling with Kids

The past couple of days I have been feeling like a child whose entire class has gone on a picnic. My team has gone on an offsite to Goa, and because I decided on earning some brownie points with my mom, I decided to stay back. I really wanted to get some meetings organized on my work front, but that hasn't worked out as I planned. This has left me feeling sour. A tentative plan for a weekend getaway seems likely to get shelved thanks to maid problems at home. I am still getting used to the idea of traveling with a child. My son is quite an easy baby when it comes to travel. The only problem is my obsession that he eats well and follows a routine even when we are traveling. I myself don't stick to any kind of a routine while I travel and I am the kind who can go to even a foreign country without any hotel bookings. But somehow, with my kid I feel that I am being lazy if I don't stick to his schedule. And hence, travel has come to mean added work pressure…I wish I could come…

On My Job, and Then Some More…

Yea, I am in love with my job…And I am writing it down here, so that when my appraisal results are out, and I feel wretched, I can come back and read this post. The job offers almost everything that I look forward to from a job – independence to make key decisions, an intelligent group of people to work with, and most importantly being able to use my intelligence. This is one job which has really recognized my ability to think faster than most people (yes, yes I am bragging, but I know its true) and ideate creatively. I enjoy it when people openly tell me that they think my idea is a killer one…And because my office is physically located almost 600 kms away from the main office, I don't have to get involved in the day to day games that people play…Well, it also has a flip side…No one knows the kind of good work that I do in my job and if the one person who has visibility on what I do refuses to let the larger audience know about it, then my appraisals will truly be affected. I per…

The Week That Was...

…was quite hectic…Cousins from both sides decided to get married around the same time, so we are traveling from one end of the state to the other with last minute ticket bookings, a small child and an old grandmother…Add to this, a high pressure job and no maid at home…You will think this is a disaster, till you here something like this…My mom had gone for a wedding (yea, this is marriage season in God's own country) and had just reached back after a nearly 2 hour drive… She was describing meeting her cousins and kids after a long time…And we receive a call saying said cousins and kids are no more…They were killed instantly in a road accident on the way back from the wedding…Leaving behind broken families…For me personally, it seemed so surreal, that my mom was talking about them in the present tense and within a minute had to talk about them in the past tense…On a lighter note, both hubby and self read Chetan Bhagat's "Two States"…my takeaway was that, maybe I shoul…

Random Thoughts

1. Sometimes when friends need help, all you can do is send them good vibes
2. These days when friends get married, I wonder how long it would last. Cynicism or old age?
3. When your son finally starts eating tid-bits by himself, why is it that despite it being a much awaited milestone, there is that familiar eerie feeling of 'letting go'?
4. Sometimes words, actions or even silence is not enough to convey your thoughts to the other person. Your wavelengths have to match...
5. You need to be always willing to give a gift...Everyone is happy to get one.

Baby Update

I am in this absolute mommy mood and I feel like writing about my baby…It's been ages since I wrote anything about him in this space and I feel this will be the only space that would hold my precious memories when I get too old to remember…And I am currently surrounded by people who make me feel child rearing is a really tough job, so I want to think some pleasant reasons why I still do it the way I do it…1. He has his own peculiar hip shaking dance. And often he expects me to join in. I have never danced with such gay abandon with anyone else…The way his face glows when I join in, is enough to cheer me up instantly.2. He would rush to rub your hand , if you say that your hand hurts…He expects the same pampering back when he falls too…3. He loves to be carried around on my back.4. He has a very focused mind and it is difficult to distract him from something he likes/wants. When I am not in such a loving mood, I feel that he is stubborn, though I have nowhere to look except the mir…

Happy Birthday

Not physically near you,No midnight phone calls,No surprise gifts…There are shared worries about running a house,Keeping a job,Managing emotions and egos…Still, there is warmth, hope, love and magic…Because you are thereWith that goofy smile,With your quirky sense of humor,With your caring ways … Happy Birthday, Sweetheart! P.S. Hubby has enrolled himself for a marathon study program comprising of 12 hour non-stop sessions for a week at the ripe old age of 30. I really admire his perseverance and academic orientation :P

Double Standards

When I wish for you to help me look after my baby you claim that in your social circle it is always maids who look after babies....Then why is it that in your social circle, hired models don't attend social functions like weddings on your behalf?

Making Lemonade...

I had started off on a self improvement trip sometime earlier…A new job and a new city as well as some domestic challenges ensured that the program has been in the backburner for sometime…But now the time is ripe to revive it…There were couple of things I was doing in the meanwhile. One was to start an exercise regime, which got dropped in between because the gym upstairs is being renovated…I can't motivate myself to walk on plain ground…I like the treadmill better…But now I will start off again, and try to walk on plain ground till the gym gets ready…The other thing I have tried is to bring some good food to the table…the focus is on taste and variety and not health, sinjce both hubby and self feel we don't celebrate our lives enough...Having a maid in the house means that I don't get the kitchen to myself…A cleanliness freak of a mom doesn't help either…So I have decided to restrict this to buying fruits and chicken…The theme now is on celebrating life…Juggling a job…

The First Step

I have reached that critical juncture at parenting where I need to expose my baby to longer hours of unsupervised exposure to strangers - yea, that's the way I look at schooling…Strangely, right now, I don't think about it as giving him an education or forming his personality or equipping him to deal with the world, although all of these are crucial elements of the education process..These days there are play schools with several different philosophies and it is tough to choose one…The thoughts have been spinning in my head for the past couple of weeks and so, I have decided that it is best to put them down… Maybe, I will get more clarity…1. The Age: Noone knows when is the right age to start play school. Most often, the decision is made because of external factors such as "we don't have anyone to look after him" or "we want him to become more social" or in some cases "we want him to be ready for his kindergarden interviews"…In my age, there w…

Should You Belt The Baby?

I usually never write serious stuff on my blog...this being more a space for the emotional me...But after the accident that we had last week, I thought I should write about this...I know that my blog has very few readers, but if I can atleast change the mindset of one reader, then I would have made my point...
In India, there are hardly any safety rules when it comes to kids...And often you would find sleepy kids being balanced on a mom's lap and the mom hanging on for dear life to the hubby while he maneouvers the potholes in a bike...That could be because of economic situations, and I can understand that...
But what I cannot understand is holding the baby on your lap in the front seat while riding in a luxury car ...Surely if you can afford the car, then you can afford the car seat, right? Well, I myself am guilty of doing this several times...And when I put my son in the car seat, I have often received dirty stares from women which can be roughly interpreted as " What kind o…

..And Then Again...

When I wrote my last post, I didn't think I would come very close to ending this episode and starting the next one...But that's what has happened...Few things were different this time around...The last time, I promptly blacked out when I saw the blood rushing out like a fountain from hubby's head...This time, I was conscious...a definite improvement...All of us are safe...

The adrenalin rush was so huge that even after 2 hours, I was on the phone with a friend and giggling away like a stupid woman, who is just happy to be alive and to have her hubby and baby by her side...

For the first time, baby's wails were like music...It was an affirmation that he could still differentiate between strangers and family....

We lost our camera as we were shifted from one car to another by Good Samaritans...Hubby was upset that he was not as much in control as the last time around...As far as I am concerned, it just goes on to prove that he is a very loving dad...Morbid pics coming soon.…

The Next Time Around…

By the time you turn 30, you not only create a bucket list, but often a 'beyond bucket' list too…You realize that not all dreams can be achieved this time around…I am not sure if there are rebirths, but if I get a second chance, these are what I want the next time around…1.Be gorgeously beautiful…I have seen people judge based on skin color…A fair sister didn't help either…So next time around, I want to be this amazingly beautiful woman whom everyone is dying to please..be it kindergarden teachers or potential boy friends...2. Be married to someone who adores me…This time around I chose to marry someone I adored, so the next time I want to enjoy the feeling of being wanted, loved and worshipped…3. Live in a village…Don't know if villages would exist, by the time I get my next turn :P, but if possible I want to live in a scenic village with a self sufficient house…Farm, cows, the works…4. Be born rich and live rich: Coming from a middle class family, the value of 'w…

The Journey

Six Years…That's a good time to turn back and see…Afterall, in the interviews, they just asked where do you see yourselves five years from now…and sometimes, they even asked where do I see myself ten years from now…But no one was creative enough to ask me where do I see myself six years from now JAnd that's how the journey started…May 17th 2004 ….in the city of my dreams…Bangalore…In a conference room…We had a few weeks of induction training…And then onto the job…the department that I was assigned to was decided based on the policy of 'Diversity at Work' which meant every department should have a certain percentage of women…and the ones which did not fill the quota took the girls in the group…This was the first of several irrational behaviors that I have seen in the corporate world over the years…Things I learned in Year 1:1."Treat everyone with respect. Your junior today may become your peer tomorrow and boss at a later stage. It can also be the reverse." Th…

If

The long non-blogging inertia could have been broken only with a little bit of external force. And what better way to get it than from a dear friend! When I saw the first two lines of Anu's post I was framing the comment "Anu, why don't you make this into a tag and tag me, pleaaaasee…" and well, as if she heard me even before I said it, by the time I reached the end of her post I was thrilled. So, here goes the tag….and 'cos I am in a verbose mood today, I thought I'd add reasons too!If I were a month, I'd be AprilMy birthday, school vacations, Vishu, new clothes, cousins, money, movies….Nothing can beat that!
If I were a day of the week, I'd be FridayIn college, it meant eating out as we had a longer lunch break…These days it is the only day that I can afford to read a book and sleep as late as possible…
If I were a time of day, I'd be 5:00 amI hardly see this time most of the days, but when I am up, I look to feel the cool breeze and quiet that 5:…

Faith

Yea, faith of the spiritual kind...If you have it in the right amount then I guess it makes you stronger...Not sure though...My mom is extremely religious and still i find her fretting over even the smallest of things...and I wonder, where is the belief....And then there is hubby, who thinks faith is about going to temples...Most of his extended family think likewise, so much so that, his cousin's retort on being told that I am not the temple going type, was "Oh are you a communist?". For a minute, I thought he was joking, but then realised that he was serious. That being my days as the "new bride", I just smiled coyly, thinking inwards "Oh my God, he hardly knows anything about religion or communism :(" ..Soon, I came to know that faith means different things to different people and for some it is just an excuse for social get togethers...I stopped visiting hubby's family temple, ever since people expected me to pay respect to them rather than to…

Smile, An Everlasting Smile

There was once a naive me who thought that a smile should always come from the heart. One thing that adulthood has taught me is that, no one waits for that smile to blossom. They are all content to see a flexing of the facial muscles in the right direction...

Update!

It's Thursday and time to update on my resolutions. Well, waking up at 6:00 Am has been a disaster, primarily because I got hold of an interesting book and kept reading it till 12:00 every night. So, I have decided to modify the resolution to Go to sleep by 11:00 PM and wake up by 6:00 AM. But, I have managed to keep my cool with my son, so that is still continuing to be a great success. It was a stressful fortnight, what with my mom having a minor surgery, the maid quitting, the new maid being awful, my dad falling sick in US and to top it all, baby scared me by falling down flat on his face and blood started coming from his nose. I freaked out, but thankfully it was just a single drop and it stopped. I am proud of the way I handled it - usually I would scream out and that would frighten him further leading to a downward spiral for both of us. He is a sensitive soul who would start crying the moment he sees me upset, so I am always forced to recover quickly from any negative emot…

On Balance

Here is a conversation that happened between an educated, working couple. Comments invited!
Hubby: You know, there was this Delhi Prinicpal or someone who said in her speech to graduating students that they should aim for a balance in life and not just a stellar performance in their career. Both career and personal life are important. And guess what, she drew a lot of flak for saying that.
Lady: Yep, I agree that you need a balance in life. The problem happens when this idea of balance applies only to the woman in the family.
Hubby: But only a woman can give birth and breastfeed.
Lady: Yea, but if a woman is willing to take 2 years off from her career to give birth and breastfeed, will the guy then say that, I will take the next 2 years off, to look after the baby while you consolidate your career? Hubby: Why should he? Why do you think guys get married?
Lady: To have a wife, and children
Hubby: exactly
Lady: So, then why not share responsibilities of child rearing as well. Why should l…

Update!

Well, it was tough, but I managed. I managed to be polite and sweet to my son. He did test my patience at times and more than him other people did. But I remembered my promise to myself and instead of taking it out on my son, I looked at him and started singing to him. When he refused to eat (which gets me upset in a major way), I just got up and left, instead of going ahead with a screaming match. He ate most of the time and the one or two odd times he didn't I realized it is much better to let him be...So, motivated by this success, I am moving to my next goal: Start waking up at 6:00 am in the morning. It is quite tough, because most days I sleep only by 12:00PM. But my sleep wake up routine has been really going topsy-turvy with no schedule whatsoever, and I want to change that before my mom leaves for US. Even on days when I sleep by 10:30 - 11:00 I wake up only by 7:00 AM, primarily because at least one of us needs to be with the baby. But, I hope to wake up and sit next to…

On Prejudices

I saw a tamil movie yesterday - Vinnai Thandi Varuvayaa... The actors were nothing great and even the music by A.R.Rahman was a disappointment (probably because of the hyped up expectations), but what made me really like the movie was the story line. It wasn't refreshingly
different or anything, but it set me thinking...Of prejudices and how they change our life - often we make major decisions in life partly because of the prejudices we hold and our life changes forever! I read a review of the movie which stated that today's youth are not chained down by prejudices and will often marry the person they love. Not really true. I know of enough Mallu Christian families where the threat of "we will not be cremated in the church" from parents work successfully and the girl meekly decides to get married to whomever the parents choose. And that brings me to the question, why are parents who claim to want the best for their kids very vehement when it comes to a marriage that d…

What Will I Do?

Well, after my previous introspective blog that I wrote in a haste, I really thought about life in general. And while I am a huge fan of resolutions and goal setting, I sometimes don't get what I want at the end of the year, mostly because priorities and life situations change very quickly and a year is a fairly long time. So, this time around I have decided to take baby steps - I am going to have one self improvement goal for every two weeks. And if I am able to stick with it, then I will add one more at the end of two weeks. That way, at the end of the year I will be a better person in 25 different ways. And if death comes calling unexpectedly, I can at least die with the satisfaction that I was a better person today than yesterday! Since I always love a challenge, I am going to try something that is extremely difficult - to be patient with my son! Yea, it may sound silly and simple to the rest of you out there, but every day at some moment or the other my son really exasperates…

The Last Day Of Your Life

Often when death stares you in your face through someone else's dead eyes, you tend to question the futility of it all. Your dreams, hopes,plans - all of that can be swept away by death in one swift wave. And that's when most people advise that you should live each day as if it is your last. But I do not quite agree. I mean, it is all nice and fair to say that you must always love and forgive and be nice, but there are times when you hold back your responses just because you know that you are going to continue with the other person for a much longer time. Often forgiving someone does not happen because of any magnanimous emotional enlightenment, rather it is a simple process of "it is too difficult now to fight with this person". But if I knew that it was going to be my last day, I would happily go scream my lungs out at certain people who have irked me. I would also spend a lot of money (my credit cards have very high limits!) and roam around the world as if no tomo…

Moving My Cheese

After much debate between the mother and the professional in me, I have finally decided to move to a different city in search of a better job (hopefully). I had never understood why everyone seemed too keen on becoming an adult, as it seemed as if adulthood was mundane and boring with a whole host of responsibilities. But recently I have begun to feel differently. I can now actually answer the question "Where do you see yourselves 5 years down the line?" in a very clear manner. I know that life can throw curve balls at me, but at least for now the vision is clear. And the answer is not some crappish MBA gyan that you give your recruiter!
My only apprehension is about my son. I hope he would learn to adapt himself to the changes in life and not get unduly hurt in the process. His primary caregiver (no, not me) is going off to the US and I am not sure how he will handle it.
On other news, after scaring my pants off, my son has finally gained the confidence to take baby steps a…