Showing posts from August, 2006

Frozen Tears

Often in life, when you actually feel like crying your lungs out, you end up sporting a grand smile... with a lump in your throat and a knot in your heart which even loved ones don't notice....I wonder whether these frozen tears are a sign of success ("I am the master of my emotions") or of utter failure ("I don't even have the freedom to express my emotions")....


Life is full of them. ..big, small, important, trivial, life altering, forgotten-the-next moment, or sometimes even so very obvious ones that you don't even consider it as a choice but more as a default next step. But the unpredictability of the future makes choices quite exciting. I mean so many times in hindsight a choice that I have made with apprehension had turned out to be the right one and vice versa. And different people use different ways to finalise on a choice - sometimes the brain decides, sometimes the heart does and sometimes both (and ofcourse there are times when the choices are quite spontaneous and hence neither brain nor heart contributes to the choice :P). And the best part (or worst depending on whether you are an optimist or pessimist) is that you never know what lies at the end of the road not taken .... So why am I suddenly analysing so much? Well, I am at crossroads and don't know which choice to make :(

A Perfect Bird

To you, I flew with smouldering wings...
Alas! you never gave me a chance,
Clipped my wings and caged me;
Dressed me up and paraded me.

The crowd enjoyed the sight -
The fiery red of freedom bled
And the soulful melodies sung.

Still, my love, I sacrifice my spirit
In the altar of thy vanity!
Jus so that you get to hear
"Wow, you've got a perfect bird here!!!"


We, as a nation celebrated Independence Day yesterday. But it didn't mean anything to me as a person. Well, before you take your patriotic guns to shoot me, let me explain...I am extremely proud to be an Indian and extremely happy with regard to all the privileges of living in a free nation. But perhaps because I've always lived in a free nation, and can't imagine it to be any other way, I do not associate any particular significance to that particular day. It was just another boring holiday, and a sad one too as my family which came to visit me over the extended weekend went off leaving me feeling totally stupid and irritable. And today, I am somehow still quite bugged at everything in general and nothing in particular... And thus wondered what does being independent and free mean to me? Personal independence and freedom encompasses a whole lot of things....ranges from the silly to the profound...from being able to have time for myself to solve a crossword puzzle to being …

Being Vulnerable...

...that's a major side effect of being married. I have heard a lot of people say that motherhood makes you vulnerable...But now I've realized that marriage has the same effect, may be to a lesser degree. Your thoughts, actions and reactions are all vulnerable to the hopes, dreams, aspirations, pleasures and pain of your loved one...especially pain. It jus incapacitates you - the very thought that your loved one might be in pain. And that makes you act in funny ways - like asking the doctor a hundred times and then once more "Is everything ok with him/her?" , then trying to pamper your loved one to the point of irritation, then getting irritated at yourselves for not being able to do something more useful and sensible to handle the situation better and finally just thanking GOD - for keeping your loved one with you... for not snatching him away...