Showing posts from December, 2013

The Year That Was

2013 - was a year I'd rather delete from my memory. Life was fine till April, but then it was mostly a downward spiral. We went to Hongkong for a vacation in May and that was the best (and probably the only) memory that I will carry forward with me. It was picture perfect in all sense !   I shifted my family back to my home town. This meant that I was travelling every week, missing my son and playing an increasingly difficult game of trying to perform a good role at both work and home. It was one of those situations, where you are forced to do something knowing fully well that your life will change irrevocably for the worse, but still you end up doing it. All those self-help gurus who say 'you always have a choice' don't realise that sometimes the choice is between the devil and the deep sea. And you jump into the deep sea, hoping that you will find the inner strength to swim across - but, practically, most often than not, it never works that way. Maybe, selling my so…

Meeting Cousins

My cousins from my maternal side have arrived for vacation with their babies. I surprised myself with how excited I was at the prospect of meeting them. The initial plan was for me to meet them in their native place. However, an impending vacation meant that it was difficult for hubby to take further leave.

Both their in-laws are in the city where I work and I decided to meet them there, instead.  I wasn't very sure how comfortable I would be to meet them there, (especially without my hubby, who is usually the conversation starter) but I decided to do it nevertheless. Turns out, my fears were unnecessary. I had a great time meeting both cousins, catching up with news about our lives, sharing worries about parents getting old, cribbing about managing work and kids - turns out most problems are universal. We do the best we can, knowing fully well how inadequate that 'best' often is...

I was happy that I got fed sumptuous meals in both places - food always affects my moods …


Not sure if this is what is commonly referred to as the mid-life crisis, but I am definitely going through this weird feeling day in-day out. I feel trapped in a cage, constantly trying to escape, bruising my wings in the process. Yes, a wiser bird may have either resigned to its fate and adjusted well or better still planned an escape for a later date when the time comes...
But I am way too passionate to do either. I want to get away and get away now !!! (yes, stomping my feet like a small child throwing a tantrum)
I hate the city that I am living in currently and I hate living without my hubby and baby - so I really don't know the way out !
In fact, the hatred is soo deep that it is now internalized. I no longer have the energy to explain to anyone why I don't like to live in this city - I just don't like it here, and it is draining my physical and emotional energies !
I wish life was not complicated !