Faith

Yea, faith of the spiritual kind...If you have it in the right amount then I guess it makes you stronger...Not sure though...My mom is extremely religious and still i find her fretting over even the smallest of things...and I wonder, where is the belief....And then there is hubby, who thinks faith is about going to temples...Most of his extended family think likewise, so much so that, his cousin's retort on being told that I am not the temple going type, was "Oh are you a communist?". For a minute, I thought he was joking, but then realised that he was serious. That being my days as the "new bride", I just smiled coyly, thinking inwards "Oh my God, he hardly knows anything about religion or communism :(" ..Soon, I came to know that faith means different things to different people and for some it is just an excuse for social get togethers...I stopped visiting hubby's family temple, ever since people expected me to pay respect to them rather than to the God inside, when I visited...
To me, faith was always shaky....I dilly-dallied all through my teenage years, hoping to find a friend in God...but after many a one sided conversation...all I started feeling after a prayer was utter loneliness...
I am not even sure if I have talked about faith elsewhere in this blog, but right now, when change seems to surround me, and people whom I trusted implicitly let me down yet again, I yearn for that rock solid faith which would help me believe in myself all over again...I have seen people being submissive to God and accepting it all as God's will, but that kind of faith is not for me...I'd rather have a God, who pulls me up when I'm down, looks me squarely in the face, and tells me, "Don't worry, I know I messed up, but I am going to make it up to you! Trust me!" and maybe add in typical SRK style "Mein hoon na...":P
And if am really blubbering away to glory, I wish he would just gather me in an embrace, and not speak a word....and just hold me till I feel better...
Or maybe, all I need is a friend... I am not good at maintaining friendships either...I don't know why, but I always end up being friends with those strong silent characters, who hardly ever share their sorrows with me...and consequently I feel like I should reciprocate with the same stiff upper lip!
To be continued....

Comments

Anonymous said…
My faith is extremely shaky too and between you & me, my 'temple going' back home was/is mainly so as not to hurt other people's feelings.
Lately, I can't find one reason why He should be listening to me, so I leave Him alone and try to mind my own business:)

-Meena chechi

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