Roles and Responsibilities

Even after putting my baby to play school things have not changed much at the home front…Probably will, in a few days time once everyone gets used to the new routine. Meanwhile, hubby is getting increasingly frustrated that I am dependent on my mom to look after my baby. He feels it is perfectly fine to leave the child with a maid and quotes numerous successful examples of this mode of child rearing. For every example that he gives, I have a counter example where things have gone awfully wrong ‘cos the child was entrusted with an uneducated stranger!
Now, hubby wants to leave for a course outside the state and his logic is that since it is my insistence on rearing the baby without a maid (we do have house help, but her responsibilities do not include babysitting) I should manage home and my mom myself.
His parents have time for a lot of socializing but would never help look after the baby even for one day. This leads to some important questions:
1. Do grandparents have any responsibility towards grand children? If your answer is no, then how do you justify their relentless insistence that a couple have kids regardless of how ready they are?
2. Does the maternal or paternal side of grandparents have a higher level of responsibility?
3. Is the responsibility of parenting more with the mom or should it be equally shared by both parents? What if their parenting philosophy is different? If one believes in a more involved method of parenting, then should the other parent also chip in?
4. How good/bad is single parenting for a child?
5. Does the burden of child rearing take at least some of the sheen off the beautiful bond that the couple shares with each other? Or does it always just strengthen the bond?
I am really keen on hearing different views on the matter, hence feel free to comment. You may also forward this post to new/well heeled parents – I really want to know what the world thinks about these issues!


Anonymous said…
As you already know, I am hardly an authority, but I've an opinion on everything:)

1) No. I don't think so..They insist on a lot of things, like get an education, get married, get a job etc..That does not mean they're going to do it for you..
2) I don't think it is their responsibility at all.
3) It has traditionally been the mom, but I feel both should chip in..In case of opposing philosophies, you should find a middle ground and the one who believes in less involvement cannot abdicate responsibility. That's too easy:)
4) I've seen single parents raising kids wonderfully on their own, but I think it is easier to do it as a couple.
5) Definitely strengthen the bond, imo:)

-Meena chechi
Sheeba said…
Hi Vandana,
I came across your orkut profile today (its amazing how facebook and orkut knows my past friends :) and then stumbled upon your blog..I read a few posts. Its quite candid...but I stopped reading as I felt I was snooping into someone else's life :)

Keep in touch..
Sheeba Gandhi
Tinkerbells said…
@meenachechi: a friend of mine once told me how offended she used to feel when others used to tell her "you are not married , you won't understand or you are not a mom, you won;t understand". And I totally agree with her...You don't have to experience something first hand to know/understand about a situation. It's another matter that, when we actually go through an experience we may choose to change our opinion, but then again, even time can change opinions, so basically, your opinion is as important to me as anyone else's...
@Sheeba: Hey, where r u these days? I only share those parts of my life which I am comfortable sharing to the general public, so feel free to read !
rocksea said…
Whether it is the grandparents or the partner, sometimes they may not realize that they need to join hands with you in taking care of the child and participate in the building process. It could be that they simply miss it, or they they think that you are already taking care of it. Best way would be to talk to them and let them know that you need them at such and such occassions. You can also hand over your child to them everyday at certain times so that they can play with the baby or bathe him, etc.
Jas said…
Dear Vandana,

Got to know your name through previous comment. Happy to know though. ive been reading your blog a lot and love a lot. Keep writing. Your blog has inspired me to write my own blog. Do visit if you ever get time. its a lot inspired by you.

About the issue mentioned. My parents had frequent fights and would never get along on smallest of thing. they were advised to have a child as that would make everything all right. Today i have seen a bad childhoold as a result of their fights and now see them divorced which in turns makes it difficult for me to trust relationships. Did elders advice help? its utter nonsense according to me

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