The Sunshine Month
I have always considered April to be my favorite month of the year - Vishu, my birthday and happy childhood memories ...
As I have been trying to untangle the various independent and interlinked (yes, independent for a rational brain, heavily interlinked for a sensitive soul like me) issues in my professional and personal life, without much success, I still tried to make the best of April.
And thus I planned a long pending trip to Guruvayoor, my native place for my cousin's wedding and then to Lulu mall. (to compensate for a missed school picnic).
Guruvayoor has many strong positive childhood emotions associated with it, and as I prostrated before the lord, I cried copious amounts of tears for all my past mistakes and errors of judgment and asked for forgiveness. This is usually not how I pray and it left me surprised - it was as if I was talking to my childhood friend - someone who would just listen without judgement. I felt a strong sense of inner calm and strangely didn't want to go away from there. I could genuinely feel the positive energy of the place.
I also realized that more than the economic loss, what hurt me most in my professional life last year was how I misplaced my trust - I usually take a long time to trust someone, and the only time I went against my instincts and trusted blindly turned out to be a big mistake. I can't believe that I made the rookie mistake of trusting someone instead of dealing with it as a professional transaction. How could I not see the wolf inside the sheep skin !
During this leg of the trip, hubby saw a part of me which surprised him - the pious me.
The Palghat leg of the journey wasn't that great - yes, I met cousins and dressed up for the wedding. But, my mom's crabbiness was at its heights thanks to her illness and pain. There was only so much I could handle and I snapped. Surprisingly, the bullying stopped as soon as I snapped. I was reminded of Mohanlal and Kochin Haneefa in Kireedom ! My dad's brother is suffering from throat cancer and seeing him on his last legs upstairs and then walking downstairs to celebrate his son's wedding was emotionally draining for me.
I don't have too much sympathy for someone who chain smoked his way to ill health, but still the contrast of emotions was something I couldn't handle well. Add to the fact that hubby dear was holed up in a room most of the time, preparing for an upcoming exam, made me think deeply about how relationships get impacted depending on where you stay. Hubby or his family hardly attends social functions from my side of the family, but I am expected to attend everything on his side. Even after 11 years of marriage, this is a sore point.
The Cochin leg was more interesting - kids had a great time and I enjoyed the good food.
I had an amazing birthday - will talk about it in the next post !
There is more travel on the cards next month ...
As I have been trying to untangle the various independent and interlinked (yes, independent for a rational brain, heavily interlinked for a sensitive soul like me) issues in my professional and personal life, without much success, I still tried to make the best of April.
And thus I planned a long pending trip to Guruvayoor, my native place for my cousin's wedding and then to Lulu mall. (to compensate for a missed school picnic).
Guruvayoor has many strong positive childhood emotions associated with it, and as I prostrated before the lord, I cried copious amounts of tears for all my past mistakes and errors of judgment and asked for forgiveness. This is usually not how I pray and it left me surprised - it was as if I was talking to my childhood friend - someone who would just listen without judgement. I felt a strong sense of inner calm and strangely didn't want to go away from there. I could genuinely feel the positive energy of the place.
I also realized that more than the economic loss, what hurt me most in my professional life last year was how I misplaced my trust - I usually take a long time to trust someone, and the only time I went against my instincts and trusted blindly turned out to be a big mistake. I can't believe that I made the rookie mistake of trusting someone instead of dealing with it as a professional transaction. How could I not see the wolf inside the sheep skin !
During this leg of the trip, hubby saw a part of me which surprised him - the pious me.
The Palghat leg of the journey wasn't that great - yes, I met cousins and dressed up for the wedding. But, my mom's crabbiness was at its heights thanks to her illness and pain. There was only so much I could handle and I snapped. Surprisingly, the bullying stopped as soon as I snapped. I was reminded of Mohanlal and Kochin Haneefa in Kireedom ! My dad's brother is suffering from throat cancer and seeing him on his last legs upstairs and then walking downstairs to celebrate his son's wedding was emotionally draining for me.
I don't have too much sympathy for someone who chain smoked his way to ill health, but still the contrast of emotions was something I couldn't handle well. Add to the fact that hubby dear was holed up in a room most of the time, preparing for an upcoming exam, made me think deeply about how relationships get impacted depending on where you stay. Hubby or his family hardly attends social functions from my side of the family, but I am expected to attend everything on his side. Even after 11 years of marriage, this is a sore point.
The Cochin leg was more interesting - kids had a great time and I enjoyed the good food.
I had an amazing birthday - will talk about it in the next post !
There is more travel on the cards next month ...
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- Meena chechi