This is a very graphical rant, so stay away in case that’s not your style…

Sometimes, the sorrow is soo deep that its easy to fake happiness. You act as if everything is normal. You wake up, do your duties, go to work, laugh with colleagues, check whatsapp, type non sense in it and giggle for good measure…

And then you wonder what the hell were you doing with 36 years in this planet, if you are all alone at 3:00 in the morning feeling faint in a pool of blood in the bathroom while your hubby is happily snoring in the next room. How come there was not even a single human being to hold your hand then?

You ignore the physical pain that ravages your body and carry on the act of appearing normal…you even fight about the same silly things…knowing fully well none of it matters any more…but that’s the best you can do…’cos the only other alternative is to end up in the mental asylum. Any rational analysis will only take you there…

They say time heals…they forgot about the scars left behind..which permanently reduces the beauty of your soul…

You look at your hands and only see blood..like the Shakesperean heroine…

You hear a small voice asking “Amma, why didn’t you give me a chance?”

You feel the small finger then wipe away the tears that well up…

And you wish you did not snuff out that life… you wish you could have used the chance to share the same universe … You realise you have been a coward..and everything you stood up for…all your good karma…all of it was still not good enuf…

And you realize that you have been your own worst enemy…the cancer of your soul…