Mind Space

A dear friend was once lamenting on how old friends no longer seem to have time for him. He said wistfully, “When I call them, I get this feeling as if I am no longer part of their mind space”. It was a casual statement, but it remained in my mind…
This blog was not updated because, I was very busy living life and had no time to record my thoughts…I would read my daily quota of blogs, think about what to write and then realize I have something more important to do than update this space…
In the gap meanwhile, I celebrated my birthday and vishu and went for an amazing house boat trip with my family. Mother’s day and my wedding anniversary came and went without celebrations and I took a firm resolution to unclutter my life…
The resolution started off as a simple cleaning up of my hubby’s wardrobe…Much to my chagrin, I found that there were shirts he had received as wedding gifts (5 years back) which were not even opened…He is a hoarder like most Cancerians I know, and would refuse to part with even frayed shirts citing some use for them. This time around, I cleaned up the place, gave away a lot of his old shirts and unwrapped a lot of ‘new’ ones. As expected, he didn’t even notice the absence of the old shirts!
While on the process, I was thinking about an old friend whom I tried to speak to after quite a long while. This conversation unexpectedly left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. I was trying to wallow in a bit of self pity when I realized that maybe its time to move on from that friendship…Afterall, we had both travelled quite a bit of distance in this journey called life and our paths are so diametrically opposite that finding a topic of mutual interest has become difficult, resulting in the conversation being very artificial… Her refusal to talk anything about her life except in monosyllables wasn't helping, either...
And so, I decided to evaluate and clean up my mind space…Take a good hard look at who all occupy my mind and decide on some changes. This introspection brought about some very interesting revelations to me. There was an episode in my final days of college, which made me want to forget those 4 years…The mind tries to block memories which are extremely painful, and what happened has become hazy due to passage of time as well as my mind’s intense desire not to recollect the gory details…I have not spoken to anyone about it, because what happened was a malicious incident where one of my best friends was a victim (one among many) and the other best friend was widely thought of to be the perpetrator…No one knew who actually did it, and because of my firm belief in justice I still believe some day I will know who was behind it…But it has been 10 years since it happened, and most of my classmates may have forgotten about it…But I lost 2 of my best friends because of it, and there hasn’t been a single day in my life since then, when I have not thought of that incident…
Coming back to the human mind, it is a strange creature….
1. When do you decide to call it quits and file for a divorce in a relationship? I have seen straightforward cases of mental imbalance, physical violence etc where the answer is fairly easy to arrive at…But, I have also seen cases where everything seems ok, and then suddenly everything falls apart…A classic case was that of a cousin who celebrated her wedding anniversary in a hotel, danced happily (?) with her spouse and filed for divorce the very next day…
2. What makes a person fall in love with someone who is already in a relationship? I have had multiple experiences where I had clearly communicated to my ‘friend’ about being in a serious relationship, despite which they were attracted to me and tried hard to woo me…This may sound boastful, but these instances are some of the most painful memories for me…
3. Is forgiveness truly possible? Or do you just decide to live with it?
4. Is being tolerant good or is it the easy way out of standing up for your principles?
It feels good to blog!

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