"It's My Life !"

I have heard this phrase a lot of times...have used it too...in my idealistic and fairly self-centered youth, I used to believe it as well...but not anymore...'cos some thought and a fair bit of being on the receiving side of this statement has made me realize that it is the last weapon that one uses to get away with behaviour that's otherwise unacceptable...I have seen several youngsters marrying cross community (and the cosmopolitan mindset in me still feels there is nothing wrong with it)...however problem starts when they themselves aren't cosmopolitan enough...most cross community marriages do not result in a secular family...instead one party (mostly the girl) switches religion, much to the discomfort of her own family...but, suddenly family and well wishers become "too narrow minded"...the fact that it is narrow mindedness on the other side that caused this - "I willingly converted..." situation, is conveniently forgotten and labelled as "That's the practical thing to do...". Hopes and aspirations on one side are completely dashed for the sake of "pure love that is blind to caste, creed and religion" ...

Earlier, families used to disown kids who marry outside their religion....But today things are different...With nuclear families mushrooming and with the pressure of acting "open minded" , parents and relatives of the girl often bend backwards to accommodate the unreasonable demands of the guy starting from how the wedding should be held to how the future grandchild should address its grandparents....

Parents often treat such "erring kids" as the proverbial prodigal daughter and try their best to not miss any opportunity to maintain the connections...often fiercely protecting them and ignoring the feelings of other members of the family.... and ultimately when these kids get whatever they require from their parents they go ahead with their life often migrating to foreign lands "so as to avoid the stigma", leaving behind the hassled parents with no one to even turn to for comfort, as by now they would have effectively converted all other "friends and family" to "enemies" ....

At each of these stages starting from the initial announcement of "I wanna get married to him" to "I wanna get married like this" to "You please take care of my kids" to "I better leave India" to "I am sorry, mom I can't come back to help you", there will be people who try to broker peace...and they are rudely shown the door with a blanket "It's my life !"

I do not think "It's my life!" is reason enough to hurt everyone around you by your acts !

P.S This post is not about opposing inter-religious marriages...It just points to the need for greater sensitivity towards both families in such situations, which sadly is often missing !

Comments

Anonymous said…
Everyone tries to find their happiness. What is wrong in that? I think the lovers are forced to say"It's my life!" because others don't seem to care.

These well-wishers, other members of the family,peace brokers -Who are these people? If they would just butt out, this would become a non-issue. It is none of their business to begin with. And I know for sure that most parents just want their children to be happy...

-Meena chechi.
Tinkerbells said…
@meena chechi: when finding one's happiness comes at the cost of others' pain then its a bit sad...and these others are not people who don't care and just gossip (though i agree there are a lot of such people too in our society)

these are people who can't really "butt out" as you say ...they are close family members and siblings who have at some point sacrificed their own happiness for the sake of this person...whose lives change drastically because of this person falling in love !

You say .."its none of their business..." but take
the case of siblings - you have a common set of parents - so one sibling hurting the parent by their act automatically becomes the other sibling's business...

while everyone has a right to live their own life , I also believe that it comes with a certain responsibility ...atleast that's what life has taught me after seeing too many parents and siblings suffer because of other "strong willed" members of the family...

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