The Ice Furnace

'Organic'ally Yours

2012-01-21T23:31:00.000+05:30

When I wrote about my last year, I forgot to mention one major event - I bought myself an organ. I have always wanted to play the piano...My school had a piano class and they used to teach kids to take the royal college exams...I have wistfully stood outside the doors of the piano room eagerly waiting to just see it...Someone convinced my mom that a piano costs 1 lakh and above, so buying one was totally out of question. I remember asking her whether I could join classes at least and she believed that there is no point studying it without being able to practice at home...Well, all that is history...I bought my beginner level organ for 10K. I am learning to play 'Jingle Bells' and have almost learned the part for my right hand...With my kid around, it is not really easy, and I am not taking any formal lessons...But, it is the first step towards a long cherished dream...I hope to clear the Royal College exams soon...
P.S. I think the piano classes at school were so good that they really captured our imaginations...My sister too has bought an organ and she is busy enjoying her classes these days !

2011-2012

2012-01-19T17:22:00.000+05:30

Ages since I posted here...This time around, I hope to be more consistent...Let's see...I didn't write the usual birthday post for my son, nor did I write the yearly recap or the new year post...Last year was a year of consolidation. Both myself and hubby dear had one goal each, which was paramount to both of us. Both of us made a lot of sacrifices to help reach our own goal as well as to help the other person reach the goal. Unfortunately, neither of us got what we wanted, so there was not even a scope of vicarious happiness...We are almost over it now...After all close to two months of mourning is itself quite huge for something very material in life...As with all setbacks in life, I believe both of us have emerged stronger, and probably there was a life lesson or two in the whole process...For starters, we decided not to visit the temple where we prayed religiously last year :P

The year of course had its share of happiness - we finally learned to manage kid and job by ourselves, though we also realise that we do not want to do it in the long term...We visited Europe for the first time in our lives and it was hectic, but at least good enough for us to decide that we would come back...I also managed to save up enough money to...well, not enough to do anything major with, but at least enough to boost my economic confidence one level higher...The year also made me dream a different dream! That I guess is the biggest achievement of the year....It gave me enough hope to plan for 2012.

2012 is going to be a year of experiments for me...I am no longer willing to put all my eggs in one basket...The unfulfilled goal of last year is still a goal this year for both of us and I am sure this year we will both manage to get our respective rewards! I am also going to try a lot of different things in all aspects of my life.

There is going to be some major changes in the personal,career,home, marriage and parenting fronts! I am confident of making it all work...

Here is Wishing All of You the Power to Dream and the Luck to Make Them Come True !

The Transition

2011-08-27T20:05:00.000+05:30

Almost all the self help gyaan as well as psychologists say that you should never rely on external sources for happiness...I have often wondered how practical would that be, especially when these very same people ask you to have deep, meaningful relationships for a healthy and happy life...These seem quite contradictory to each other...When you are attached to someone in a deep, meaningful way, it is natural to wish that they are successful, and although often you can do a lot to help them be successful, it is finally upto them whether they succeed or not...

These days I am undergoing a lot of stress, because hubby is having an exam and I really want him to succeed...However, beyond a point there is a sense of helplessness - I cannot script his success and at times, I can't let him study without a bother, because, I am human and I need my break from housework as well...

It is strange how much our happiness depends on other people's lives and actions! And I think, it is when you truly realise how stupid that is, that you decide to break lose from the ties that bind you and become an ascetic...And that's why probably Sankaracharya once said that you need to experience grihasthyashramam before moving to vanaprastham!

Small Things

2011-08-10T22:17:00.004+05:30

Often, its the small things in life that determine the day to day happiness quotient of a person...I mean, how long can you feel thrilled about the new car that you bought or the great vacation that you've had...I've seen most people I know get affected by small things to a much higher degree than the big things...And this observation is true across social strata, gender and any other divisive parameter that you may choose...
Today, I got upset about an email which never came...I don't know why exactly I paid that much importance to it..but I realised that while it is easy for others to say "don't sweat the small stuff", it is often these that actually make you sweat...And I started thinking of why .... Often, the small things are those that we do not really plan for and as a result there is rarely a plan B, we think that it is most likely to succeed and that if it doesn't then "It's no big deal"...atleast, that's what the rational brain thinks...But when these small things do not work out, it would sometimes end up being the proverbial last straw in the camel's back!

Mid Year ...

2011-08-10T16:14:00.001+05:30

It's slightly more than mid year now…and a good time to look back on the year! It is also that time of the year when my annual appraisals happen and I typically do a lot of introspection around that time! And I have come up with a list of skills that I want to master before the end of this year, for whatever that's worth!

So here goes…

1. How to solve a Rubik's cube – I tried learning this last month and have managed to do one face pretty fast, but after that it has become a challenge…

2. Learn Vedic Mathematics – This is something that I should have done while I was preparing for CAT and which would have changed my entire destiny, but it is never too late and so this year I hope to master this!

3. How to solve the Hindu crossword – Again, this was something where I took a lot of avid interest at one point in time, but it can come only through voracious reading plus practice, and somewhere I stopped trying...however I am going to restart and try this for every day starting today….

Let's see where I reach in 4 months!

Self-Discovery

2011-08-02T12:06:00.001+05:30

Like a child who loves a new toy, I got hooked to FB, once I got the hang of it...But just like the child returning to its mother after play time, I have come back to this blog…I miss writing long posts… you can't express all thoughts in less than 55 words (or whatever the limit is!)…

Someone telling me that she misses my blog was all the shot in the arm that I needed to return here! No philosophical insights this time around, but rather few things about me that I myself was surprised to discover!

1. I hate small talk – even if it is from my son. I like people who can articulate themselves well, even if they are lying!

2. I am a loner. I can never get attached to anything or anyone beyond a point…

3. I am uncomfortable in crowds…And three is crowd! I can hold a meaningful conversation with only one person at a time, unless I am giving a speech. This combined with point 1, makes me hate parties where I can't talk at length to any one person, and I am expected to talk to everyone.

4. I love to plan…I am one of those people who can spend endless hours planning (or day dreaming) about the distant future. I work out various permutations and combinations and feel happy to then put these plans to execution. So far, this planning has played a crucial role in whatever success I have achieved in life till date. The only decision in my life that I regret is the one which I made without planning. (moving cities, lest you let your imagination run wild !)

5. I love nature. I can sit for hours watching the sea or the rains.

6. I believe everyone has the power of sixth sense, but very few of us use it. In my case, it sometimes scares me that I know something is about to happen.

7. I want to explore past life regression someday, just for fun!

8. I love to immerse myself in experiences. If I am listening to a favorite song or watching a movie or reading a book, I do not like to be disturbed…Not even for a second…I'd much rather forego the experience than have it in parts!

9. I do not like people who think of themselves as workaholics – every single one of them I have met has been an extremely inefficient ego-bloated fool! Afterall, you can't be passionate about just one aspect of your life – you are either passionate or you are not!

That's it – what aspect of yourselves were you surprised to discover?

Mind Space

2011-06-09T14:56:00.001+05:30

A dear friend was once lamenting on how old friends no longer seem to have time for him. He said wistfully, “When I call them, I get this feeling as if I am no longer part of their mind space”. It was a casual statement, but it remained in my mind…
This blog was not updated because, I was very busy living life and had no time to record my thoughts…I would read my daily quota of blogs, think about what to write and then realize I have something more important to do than update this space…
In the gap meanwhile, I celebrated my birthday and vishu and went for an amazing house boat trip with my family. Mother’s day and my wedding anniversary came and went without celebrations and I took a firm resolution to unclutter my life…
The resolution started off as a simple cleaning up of my hubby’s wardrobe…Much to my chagrin, I found that there were shirts he had received as wedding gifts (5 years back) which were not even opened…He is a hoarder like most Cancerians I know, and would refuse to part with even frayed shirts citing some use for them. This time around, I cleaned up the place, gave away a lot of his old shirts and unwrapped a lot of ‘new’ ones. As expected, he didn’t even notice the absence of the old shirts!
While on the process, I was thinking about an old friend whom I tried to speak to after quite a long while. This conversation unexpectedly left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. I was trying to wallow in a bit of self pity when I realized that maybe its time to move on from that friendship…Afterall, we had both travelled quite a bit of distance in this journey called life and our paths are so diametrically opposite that finding a topic of mutual interest has become difficult, resulting in the conversation being very artificial… Her refusal to talk anything about her life except in monosyllables wasn't helping, either...
And so, I decided to evaluate and clean up my mind space…Take a good hard look at who all occupy my mind and decide on some changes. This introspection brought about some very interesting revelations to me. There was an episode in my final days of college, which made me want to forget those 4 years…The mind tries to block memories which are extremely painful, and what happened has become hazy due to passage of time as well as my mind’s intense desire not to recollect the gory details…I have not spoken to anyone about it, because what happened was a malicious incident where one of my best friends was a victim (one among many) and the other best friend was widely thought of to be the perpetrator…No one knew who actually did it, and because of my firm belief in justice I still believe some day I will know who was behind it…But it has been 10 years since it happened, and most of my classmates may have forgotten about it…But I lost 2 of my best friends because of it, and there hasn’t been a single day in my life since then, when I have not thought of that incident…
Coming back to the human mind, it is a strange creature….
1. When do you decide to call it quits and file for a divorce in a relationship? I have seen straightforward cases of mental imbalance, physical violence etc where the answer is fairly easy to arrive at…But, I have also seen cases where everything seems ok, and then suddenly everything falls apart…A classic case was that of a cousin who celebrated her wedding anniversary in a hotel, danced happily (?) with her spouse and filed for divorce the very next day…
2. What makes a person fall in love with someone who is already in a relationship? I have had multiple experiences where I had clearly communicated to my ‘friend’ about being in a serious relationship, despite which they were attracted to me and tried hard to woo me…This may sound boastful, but these instances are some of the most painful memories for me…
3. Is forgiveness truly possible? Or do you just decide to live with it?
4. Is being tolerant good or is it the easy way out of standing up for your principles?
It feels good to blog!

Over the Weekend…

2011-02-11T12:39:00.001+05:30

It's official…My mom is going back to lead her 'own' life…To her credit, if there is one person other than my lovin' hubby and ever positive grandma that I should be thankful to, then it is her. Afterall, she left behind my dad and uprooted herself to a different city for nearly ten months…No one else I know of will do that for me…

My son adores her…Whether it is my failure or my mom's success or neither, the fact remains that my child's world revolves around my mom…and I was totally ok with it…Unlike lot of working moms that I know of, I never wanted the best of both worlds…I never expected that my mom will be the major caregiver, but as soon as he sees me my son will forget all about her and spend all the rest of the time with me…I am happy as long as he is happy…I firmly believe that if you want your child to consider you 'God' then you need to be there for him/her…at least when they are really young…afterwards, they may appreciate the sacrifice that you made by keeping a job (yes, I believe both keeping a job as well as leaving one requires a certain amount of sacrifices!) …Anyway, point being, I am scared…I have never handled the baby by myself for extended periods of time ever since he was born..(the maximum being 3-4 days) There is no way I am even remotely thinking of leaving my job, and that means the only person who is likely to suffer the consequences of my mom's hasty decision is my child…I am thinking of ways in which I can minimize the impact…

On other news, this weekend has the prospect of either being really good or really lousy! Hubby has gone off to Kasargode in the pretext of a conference and my mom is going to my sister's place today…which means I am 'home alone' with my kid…I am wondering how to make the best of it! I have a car and a chauffeur at my disposal..And my child loves to travel…he hates shopping though, so that is thoroughly out of question…Maybe, I will take him to a coffee shop and enjoy coffee and pastries with him…My wallet as well as my waistline can still afford that :P

What I Read...

2011-02-10T17:10:00.001+05:30

I am not the kind of person who comments on every post I read…When I initially started blogging, I used to comment, but then realized that the blogosphere works on certain unwritten rules… most bloggers don't like you to disagree with what is written, even if you do it politely and in a civil manner…And I don't see the point in writing a comment, just to say "Oh, that's soo true, I fully agree"…Unless you can bring in a different dimension to the discussion what is the point of discussion at all…And then ofcourse, there were this whole bunch of 'if you leave a comment on my blog I shall reciprocate by leaving a comment on yours' which is ok, if you have a commercial blog …

I don't have a blogroll…I am not sure why…Primarily 'cos I have seen the quality of blogs vary with time…the content varies..sometimes the author just shuts shop…And even my interest varies…If I am vain, I can also say that I don't want anyone to feel obligated to include me in their blogroll, just 'cos I blogrolled them…and this is my space…

However, there are a bunch of blogs I read regularly for various reasons…And today, I am giving you a list of those amazing ideas which feed and nourish me…

There is this blog where I started off rubbing the author the wrong way, but ended up being very good friends with…

This and this are feisty ladies that I know and admire in real life.

Once I had my baby, I had to have my daily dose of mummy gyaan. This is hugely popular and this I like 'cos of the sheer capacity of the lady to multi-task! If I feel down about something related to motherhood and I am looking at a positive way to face it, then I head here. The way she analyses each incident is brilliant! Another blog that teaches you to hope and love is here.

If I want to see some amazing pictures of nature and the world around, I go here.

Personal finance is a strong passion of mine and I regularly read this and this. On the same space this and this are in my google reader.

There are other blogs and websites that I visit on a regular basis, but more on that later…

Since I am typing on ms-word and too lazy to check whether they lead you to the right places, please let me know if you find a broken link…Also, tell me one blog/website that you like the most and why?

On Top of the World

2011-02-09T14:13:00.001+05:30

Am feeling on top of the world! I just received a courier by office mail, and opened it expecting some official communication…But my boss/friend had sent me a book and a magazine. I read a lot, but never buy books – I am the kind who would rather pay the cost of the book (or in many cases even more) to the library in terms of lending fee, but never spends the money to buy a book…

However, I still love the smell of a new book…The first thing I do when I get a new book is to smell it…Ah, the pure bliss of knowledge!

At one point in my life, I wanted a huge library, but after getting associated with my coldly rational spouse who has feet firmly in the ground, I accepted that spending money on books that you won't read more than once and then stacking them up in a cupboard was a waste of money, time and even space.

But still, there is a child in me who gets thrilled on getting a gift! And gets super thrilled, when it is a book…after all, while peers were dreaming of being pilots and truck drivers, this child dreamt of being a bookshop owner!

New Year...New Beginnings...

2011-02-08T22:45:00.004+05:30

I had a post titled "The Year That Will Be" in my laptop, which I lost when the battery died on me...I don't feel like writing it all over again...It was about resolutions and how I plan this year to be a year of excellence...Where I shall stretch myself on all realms and see what I am capable of...Anyway, I suddenly realised that a month has gone by without any posts...The posts get formed in my head, but never get translated into paper...
And therefore I am going to try and post atleast 5 posts in a week...I always believe content is what matters and not frequency, but somehow I feel the urge to try this out...to see if I can stick to it...

The Year That Was

2010-12-25T15:41:00.000+05:30

Yes, it is that time of the year when I take stock! If there is one word that would describe the year gone by, it is ‘change’. I turned 30 (‘old’, by my own definition 15 years back), and became a lot wiser. Experience is of course, a great teacher! I changed jobs and I changed cities, both of them for the better (or so I hope!). I have put my kid in playschool and that required a huge change in my psyche.

During the year I tried to do some form of self improvement from time to time, but wasn’t hugely successful. I traveled internationally with my kid and that was something I always wanted to do.

There weren’t any major disappointments and thus here goes a genuine note of gratitude to the God within us and to friends, loved ones and strangers who have brought smiles to my face last year knowingly or unknowingly!

Wish You All Joy and Peace !

Roles and Responsibilities

2010-12-07T22:14:00.000+05:30

Even after putting my baby to play school things have not changed much at the home front…Probably will, in a few days time once everyone gets used to the new routine. Meanwhile, hubby is getting increasingly frustrated that I am dependent on my mom to look after my baby. He feels it is perfectly fine to leave the child with a maid and quotes numerous successful examples of this mode of child rearing. For every example that he gives, I have a counter example where things have gone awfully wrong ‘cos the child was entrusted with an uneducated stranger!
Now, hubby wants to leave for a course outside the state and his logic is that since it is my insistence on rearing the baby without a maid (we do have house help, but her responsibilities do not include babysitting) I should manage home and my mom myself.
His parents have time for a lot of socializing but would never help look after the baby even for one day. This leads to some important questions:
1. Do grandparents have any responsibility towards grand children? If your answer is no, then how do you justify their relentless insistence that a couple have kids regardless of how ready they are?
2. Does the maternal or paternal side of grandparents have a higher level of responsibility?
3. Is the responsibility of parenting more with the mom or should it be equally shared by both parents? What if their parenting philosophy is different? If one believes in a more involved method of parenting, then should the other parent also chip in?
4. How good/bad is single parenting for a child?
5. Does the burden of child rearing take at least some of the sheen off the beautiful bond that the couple shares with each other? Or does it always just strengthen the bond?
I am really keen on hearing different views on the matter, hence feel free to comment. You may also forward this post to new/well heeled parents – I really want to know what the world thinks about these issues!

Appreciation

2010-12-07T15:15:00.001+05:30

I wonder why is it hard to appreciate somebody but extremely easy to find faults! Is it one's insecurity that prevents one from appreciating something good about another person? In some cases, its quite the opposite as well…There could be an exaggerated sense of self, which makes one feel that he/she is the best in what they do and thus always measure others against this (oft) imaginary pedestal on which they have placed themselves.

But a lack of positive stroke causes one to wither and die. When someone is too hard to please, then you stop trying…

I have been thinking about appreciation (or rather the lack of it) in two very different aspects of my life – my personal life and my professional life..Well, I thought a lot about whether to even put these things down in this blog and whether it would be construed as a washing of dirty linen in public…However, my readership is so minimal that these things shouldn't exactly be worrying me J

My mom is a tough task master. No maid or driver has ever lived up to her lofty standards…There is no person even among friends/relatives about whom I have ever heard her say a nice/appreciative remark…She feels I am a lousy mom…I am not exactly what they call a perfect, self sacrificial sort of mom, but I would still rate myself at about 70%...However, till date, she has not even once said that I have been a good mom…And she has never lost an opportunity to crib about the rest 30% of me that messes up due to various reasons. Now, lot of people may ask as to why it should even matter to me what she thinks..The simple answer is that it does. Period. And it hurts that she chooses to hurt every time she has the choice between a hurtful remark and a loving/consoling one.

My boss is not a tough task master, but an extremely busy one. Conversations are often cut short mid-sentence and I am not exactly sure where me and my team fits in his list of priorities…My firm is extremely competitive and expectations from each individual is sky-high. There are several parameters on which each person is measured and goals are often conflicting in nature. You cannot excel unless you do a tight rope walk balancing multiple facets of each project – client, team, quality, deadlines, profitability and so on. Here again there are areas where I do well, and others where I strive to improve. But conversations with the boss often revolve around what could potentially be problem areas and never on stuff that goes well.

However, my reaction to both these situations are very different. With my mom, I often feel bad about the way she treats me and spend hours thinking on how I can get a nice word from her….I often feel like banging my head against a wall…Every time I think of my mom, my stomach churns and my heart burns-yea, literally.

My reaction to my work front is much better. I am able to deal with it objectively, and try to get to that near impossible target of being the best…The motivation no doubt is the salary I earn….There are times when I wish I were appreciated more at work, but these are more often fleeting thoughts than a permanent feeling of sorrow at the pit of your stomach…

I wonder whether loving someone is the biggest vulnerability that you could have! If I didn't care for my mom, probably I would have still felt bad, but it would be more the way I feel about my situation at work rather than this abysmal sense of loss…

It is extremely easy to say that we should not wait for others to ratify our behaviour, but we all can do with a genuine kind word once in a while, right?

First Day in School

2010-12-01T13:53:00.001+05:30

Yep, after much deliberation I have put my son in playschool starting today. Only time will tell if my decision was the right one in terms of choice of school, timing etc. The school was good in a lot of respects and satisfied most of my criteria – a healthy student-teacher ratio, clean environment, and insistence on not wearing a diaper and so on. However, one major flip side is that his teacher's daughter is in the same class and the teacher is not mature enough to treat her as 'just another student'. Therefore, that child is perpetually on the teacher's lap and gets most of her attention…I wonder how the other kids will react to this.

I had mixed emotions the previous night as I still feel that 2.3 is too young an age to be taken away from home. However, I am sick and tired of the constant bullying from both sets of parents (mine and hubby's – one by an act of commission and the other by an act of omission, but more on that later) and hence have decided that maybe its time to teach him the ways of the world. Hopefully this will help us as a family to be more pleasant and happy and also finally let me and hubby have a more meaningful life….

I am not clear on what I want my son to achieve through his formal schooling, either. Although I did a lot of research on child development and visited dozens of playschools, before zeroing in on one, I am still not fully satisfied. I guess, moms will never be. My hubby dreads the thought of us finding a bride for our baby – He says I will never say 'yes' :P

Ultimately, like all parents, even I want the best for my son – I want him to grow up to be a kind, compassionate, loving, generous individual. Most importantly, while I wish for only good things to happen to him, I want him to be able to deal with the invariable setbacks in life with a positive attitude and never lose hope. At the end of it all, he should have the feeling of a life well lived. All this would depend a lot on what experiences life has in store for him – schooling being one among many. I might soon do a post on what specific skills I want my son to have…

I might show this post to my son at a later age, and I want him to know that I am not a perfect mom, but definitely one who wants his happiness more than anything else in this world!

Just In: My son just came back from school. He seems to have enjoyed the place. However, there is a clear lack of sincerity among staff. He was given water to drink and had drenched himself. No one bothered to change his clothes! Is poor pay a reason for this negligence?

Life's Like That: Season 2

2010-11-25T22:11:00.004+05:30

Proud mom and dad asks the classic question to baby whose vocab has recently improved by leaps and bounds..."So, baby whom do you like more - mom or dad? amma ishtam or acha ishtam?"
Mom wonders whether baby will respond truthfully like her or diplomatically like hubby..."Would he like me better or hubby better? How can I gain some brownie points with him...are boys always dad's pets?...."
Mom is snapped back from her thoughts back into reality after ten seconds...Baby has given the question due consideration and come up with a very truthful answer "ponna.. Monlal ishtam..." (translated to "ponna loves Mohanlal!")
And such was born the youngest fan of the great actor !

Dazzling Dubai

2010-11-11T11:12:00.003+05:30

Went for my first international trip with my baby....And thoroughly enjoyed it...We went for a week to Dubai...Had my lovely cousin there...Her entire family went out of the way to make us feel at home! My baby had a great time with her kids who were mature beyond their ages and played amazingly well with him...He also decided that he loves Pringles and kept gorging on them...We went for a desert safari and I realized that nature holds her poetry even in a so called 'barren' desert...Saw the Dubai mall and the Emirates mall...didn't shop much though...Met a very dear friend who had gone through some rough patches in life, but now seems happy...I hope she stays that way for the rest of her life...
The biggest positive aspect about the trip was that I realised how my kid has grown up and is now ready to spend a lot of time by himself...This has renewed my confidence in travelling with him and has also given me enough courage to make some much overdue changes in my life...If everything goes as planned, I will soon be more positive and happy and finally lead a life that I had dreamed of nearly six years back when I first got my job and was still misty eyed about the whole world !
Someday, when I have more money in hand, I will go back to Dubai and shop to my heart's desires!

Traveling with Kids

2010-10-08T17:01:00.001+05:30

The past couple of days I have been feeling like a child whose entire class has gone on a picnic. My team has gone on an offsite to Goa, and because I decided on earning some brownie points with my mom, I decided to stay back. I really wanted to get some meetings organized on my work front, but that hasn't worked out as I planned. This has left me feeling sour. A tentative plan for a weekend getaway seems likely to get shelved thanks to maid problems at home.

I am still getting used to the idea of traveling with a child. My son is quite an easy baby when it comes to travel. The only problem is my obsession that he eats well and follows a routine even when we are traveling. I myself don't stick to any kind of a routine while I travel and I am the kind who can go to even a foreign country without any hotel bookings. But somehow, with my kid I feel that I am being lazy if I don't stick to his schedule. And hence, travel has come to mean added work pressure…I wish I could come up with a system where travel with kid is more enjoyable…One way out is to be well prepared…But hubby believes in zero planning, which means I end up taking the added burden…I guess, I'll have to choose between working hard before the trip or working hard during the trip…

The friends whom I wanted to talk to in these couple of days seem to all share my wavelength. One of them read my blog as soon as I hit publish (that was coincidence) and promptly called me…another one called me out of the blue…and yet another mailed me after quite a gap…I strongly feel my thoughts traveled upto each of them…I am currently reading Brain Weiss and though I always believed in rebirth, I could not readily accept his books as facts…Has anyone of my readers read his books? What do you think of them?

I have also noticed that my blogging frequency has drastically reduced post kid, and I plan to change that…

On My Job, and Then Some More…

2010-09-30T13:11:00.001+05:30

Yea, I am in love with my job…And I am writing it down here, so that when my appraisal results are out, and I feel wretched, I can come back and read this post. The job offers almost everything that I look forward to from a job – independence to make key decisions, an intelligent group of people to work with, and most importantly being able to use my intelligence. This is one job which has really recognized my ability to think faster than most people (yes, yes I am bragging, but I know its true) and ideate creatively. I enjoy it when people openly tell me that they think my idea is a killer one…

And because my office is physically located almost 600 kms away from the main office, I don't have to get involved in the day to day games that people play…Well, it also has a flip side…No one knows the kind of good work that I do in my job and if the one person who has visibility on what I do refuses to let the larger audience know about it, then my appraisals will truly be affected. I personally don't believe in self promotion, as I believe it is my boss's job to see if I am good or bad and take necessary actions either way..Which doesn't often happen in the corporate world….If you want to grow, you do shameless self promotion, and if you can add a healthy dose of why others are not as good as you then all the more better…However, I refuse to do that…maybe it would limit my growth, maybe it won't…But I won't get another person's life to experiment with, and so I am experimenting with my own…Trying to see if it is true that if you do your job well, rewards will automatically come to you…Sounds naïve?

On other news, I am down with fever along with my son; I am planning for an international vacation without my hubby; and I hate the fact that my workplace allows you to read blogs but doesn't allow to comment on them…some restriction on freedom of opinion, I say…I also miss couple of my very good friends…Anu, Rakhi, Mrinalini, Sudhir, Jopu etc…and I have couple of days free this week and the next , so I plan to spend time talking to each one of them…I also plan to revive my spiritual quotient by visiting some temples that I have always wanted to visit…Let's see which of these actually happen…

The Week That Was...

2010-09-10T16:39:00.001+05:30

…was quite hectic…Cousins from both sides decided to get married around the same time, so we are traveling from one end of the state to the other with last minute ticket bookings, a small child and an old grandmother…Add to this, a high pressure job and no maid at home…You will think this is a disaster, till you here something like this…

My mom had gone for a wedding (yea, this is marriage season in God's own country) and had just reached back after a nearly 2 hour drive… She was describing meeting her cousins and kids after a long time…And we receive a call saying said cousins and kids are no more…They were killed instantly in a road accident on the way back from the wedding…Leaving behind broken families…For me personally, it seemed so surreal, that my mom was talking about them in the present tense and within a minute had to talk about them in the past tense…

On a lighter note, both hubby and self read Chetan Bhagat's "Two States"…my takeaway was that, maybe I should have had hubby in b-school with me…would have been royal fun! Hubby's takeaway .."Thank God, you come from the same state, religion, caste et all…" Goes to show how different we are!

And that statement from hubby made me think…"Does it really make a difference?" I was an idealistic teenager who thought that only love matters…Then I became more practical and started feeling that maybe it is easier if families are on talking terms as well…But these days, I feel that even if everything matches, ultimately it is two individuals trying to live together…you can either keep count and create problems or you can be tolerant and be happy…'cos finally even if you both worship the same set of Gods, you can always keep a count of how many times you visited my family temple vis-à-vis your family temple…Of course, there is a thin line between being tolerant and bending backwards…

Another thing that has been occupying my mindspace was my kid's playschool admissions…This reached a state of panic when a relative informed that her kid is studying in some prestigious school in B'lore in a merit seat…I was hearing the concept of merit and payment seats for playschool for the first time and was curious…Seems she quit her job to coach her 2 year old son to effectively deliver A-Z and 1 to 100 as well as frame a story from a picture book…Someone else proudly told me about their son being able to identify all vegetables by name…And here I was beaming with pride that my son could say "two,two, three three, ten" …that's how he counts… he does not know one, so will wait for you to pick up his first block, and then he will pick the second and say two, and after three he goes straight to ten…The only alphabet he knows is C and the only vegetable he knows is cucu…Anyway, after some furious thought I decided, I don't want my son earning a merit seat to playschool and since he would go to KG only by 2012, I have decided not to think about playschool at least for the next six months…

Random Thoughts

2010-08-10T21:46:00.002+05:30

1. Sometimes when friends need help, all you can do is send them good vibes
2. These days when friends get married, I wonder how long it would last. Cynicism or old age?
3. When your son finally starts eating tid-bits by himself, why is it that despite it being a much awaited milestone, there is that familiar eerie feeling of 'letting go'?
4. Sometimes words, actions or even silence is not enough to convey your thoughts to the other person. Your wavelengths have to match...
5. You need to be always willing to give a gift...Everyone is happy to get one.

Baby Update

2010-07-10T17:08:00.001+05:30

I am in this absolute mommy mood and I feel like writing about my baby…It's been ages since I wrote anything about him in this space and I feel this will be the only space that would hold my precious memories when I get too old to remember…And I am currently surrounded by people who make me feel child rearing is a really tough job, so I want to think some pleasant reasons why I still do it the way I do it…

1. He has his own peculiar hip shaking dance. And often he expects me to join in. I have never danced with such gay abandon with anyone else…The way his face glows when I join in, is enough to cheer me up instantly.

2. He would rush to rub your hand , if you say that your hand hurts…He expects the same pampering back when he falls too…

3. He loves to be carried around on my back.

4. He has a very focused mind and it is difficult to distract him from something he likes/wants. When I am not in such a loving mood, I feel that he is stubborn, though I have nowhere to look except the mirror to know where he got that from…

5. He likes to experiment with new food, though I am unable to offer him the kind of variety that I would love to…

6. He has started joining two words together, though his overall vocab is not something I am very happy about…All vegetables are collectively referred to as 'cucu' which is short for cucumber and all my mom's things (powder, soap and mobile) are "beetam". For a long while I wondered what "Ganka" meant, till my mom figured that it was his "Thank You" …He used to call me "amma" , then shifted to "chechi" and now to "mama". Hubby had the privilege of being called "atha" (his version of acha), "daddy" ('cos the fisherwoman would lovingly ask him "monte daddy evide?") and finally "edeey" (thanks to me :P)

7. He can kiss, wave good bye and give a gut wrenching cry when visitors leave.

8. And he is still fond of traveling…After my recent accident, he was the one who made us all laugh the next day morning, when he took out his shoes from the shoe rack and came to me saying "tata"….

I wish I could be that positive about life!

Happy Birthday

2010-07-07T15:16:00.001+05:30

Not physically near you,

No midnight phone calls,

No surprise gifts…

There are shared worries about running a house,

Keeping a job,

Managing emotions and egos…

Still, there is warmth, hope, love and magic…

Because you are there

With that goofy smile,

With your quirky sense of humor,

With your caring ways …

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!

P.S. Hubby has enrolled himself for a marathon study program comprising of 12 hour non-stop sessions for a week at the ripe old age of 30. I really admire his perseverance and academic orientation :P

Double Standards

2010-07-01T18:49:00.002+05:30

When I wish for you to help me look after my baby you claim that in your social circle it is always maids who look after babies....Then why is it that in your social circle, hired models don't attend social functions like weddings on your behalf?

Making Lemonade...

2010-06-29T11:41:00.001+05:30

I had started off on a self improvement trip sometime earlier…A new job and a new city as well as some domestic challenges ensured that the program has been in the backburner for sometime…But now the time is ripe to revive it…There were couple of things I was doing in the meanwhile. One was to start an exercise regime, which got dropped in between because the gym upstairs is being renovated…I can't motivate myself to walk on plain ground…I like the treadmill better…But now I will start off again, and try to walk on plain ground till the gym gets ready…The other thing I have tried is to bring some good food to the table…the focus is on taste and variety and not health, sinjce both hubby and self feel we don't celebrate our lives enough...Having a maid in the house means that I don't get the kitchen to myself…A cleanliness freak of a mom doesn't help either…So I have decided to restrict this to buying fruits and chicken…

The theme now is on celebrating life…Juggling a job and home is becoming more and more challenging by the day…My obstinate resolution of not letting a maid be my child's caregiver is taking a toll on my mental peace…I am literally at the mercy of my mom and dad since they are pretty sure that my in-laws would not lift a little finger to help…I have several options in front of me:

1. Quit job and stay at home: The problem with this is that there won't be any money at home…Hubby is planning to give an exam soon and would like a break from work himself…

2. Hubby quits job and looks after baby: The first part is going to happen, but if he decides to do the looking after baby part, then its like taking a pleasure trip on your study hols, and I am not sure its fair to him.

3. Give baby to maid: I don't think I can bring myself to do this.

4. Send baby to playschool: This is fast emerging as a desirable option for me, though I am not sure my baby will like it…These days most play schools have nannies who are just like maids - they are not educated or qualified to look after kids, and I have personally seen small kids being whacked in a playschool near my house, for the big 'Crime' of losing their bladder control in the class.

5. Start a business: In the initial days atleast this is going to be even more hectic than a day job, hence I am ambivalent about this as well. Though I feel in the long run, this is the best I can wish for….I am looking for an internet based business idea..anyone?

Anyways coming back to celebrating life…we both love travelling, although with the baby travel has become much more difficult…I do not know what I do wrong, but I hardly get any time for myself when I travel with him….And we are both crankier after the trip than before…

I wonder whether there are any good resorts at a distance of less than 45 minutes drive from Cochin city…

I recently attended an excellent training program where the trainer said that once every 20 days you should ask yourselves "When was the last time I did something for the first time?" …Well, I am going to try and do this…

I am also planning to do something that will bring a smile to my face every day…On some days it could be playing with my baby, on others it could be reading a book…It can even be as simple as making my bed…I am now promising myself that I am going to start my day thinking of something I should do to keep me happy…and before I go to bed, I shall evaluate whether I was successful…If not, I will do something to bring that happy smile to myself…and no matter how much others may try to irk me and pull me down…I am going to go ahead with my day focusing on this one thing…Till it gets done, I shall smile in anticipation and after its done I shall smile in satisfaction…I am not going to let life pull me down, unless a major tragedy happens…Till then, its going to be happiness always...

The First Step

2010-06-25T11:39:00.001+05:30

I have reached that critical juncture at parenting where I need to expose my baby to longer hours of unsupervised exposure to strangers - yea, that's the way I look at schooling…Strangely, right now, I don't think about it as giving him an education or forming his personality or equipping him to deal with the world, although all of these are crucial elements of the education process..These days there are play schools with several different philosophies and it is tough to choose one…The thoughts have been spinning in my head for the past couple of weeks and so, I have decided that it is best to put them down… Maybe, I will get more clarity…

1. The Age: Noone knows when is the right age to start play school. Most often, the decision is made because of external factors such as "we don't have anyone to look after him" or "we want him to become more social" or in some cases "we want him to be ready for his kindergarden interviews"…In my age, there were no playschools…We went directly to LKG1 at the ripe old age of 4 years…Yea, seems outrageous in today's world where learning starts as early as 1.5…I have set myself 2 criteria for my son to start playschool - he starts talking using 2 words and that his Vidyarambham is over…The former is a practical milestone and the latter is an emotional one…Currently he speaks single words, and we who are familiar with him can clearly understand what he wants…But will a stranger know? Or more importantly, will a stranger care enough to listen to him? I am not sure…And that is why I feel that maybe I am holding him back because I am not mentally ready to let go….

2. The Infrastructure: I am still not sure what I should look for when I start evaluating playschools. Should the age group of the other students matter? Should the mindset of the teacher and staff matter? How can I evaluate their mindset? What parameters should I keep to verify cleanliness? How do I make sure that they don't have a syllabus which would add pressure to my child?There are couple of insanely expensive playschools in the neighbourhood, but I am not sure whether that's the environment my baby would like…Maybe, I should take him there and see how he responds... I wish I could find someone who is genuinely passionate about kids and their development…unlike those marketing gimmicks out there….which Anu has aptly written about…(link later)

3. The Logistics: Since both hubby and self are working, how do I manage the logistics of sending baby to playschool and picking him back?

4. Feedback: How will I know if my baby is happy in the new place? Will my mother's instinct be good enough? I can easily figure out when loved ones are upset, so I am telling myself that those same antennaes would suffice for my baby too…But sometimes, when it comes to being solely responsible for another person, you really feel the jitters….I really appreciate those doctors who take decisions on behalf of critically injured patients…You never know whether your decision was right or wrong until its too late to change it anyway…Hmm…that's scary...

Should You Belt The Baby?

2010-06-13T10:44:00.004+05:30

I usually never write serious stuff on my blog...this being more a space for the emotional me...But after the accident that we had last week, I thought I should write about this...I know that my blog has very few readers, but if I can atleast change the mindset of one reader, then I would have made my point...
In India, there are hardly any safety rules when it comes to kids...And often you would find sleepy kids being balanced on a mom's lap and the mom hanging on for dear life to the hubby while he maneouvers the potholes in a bike...That could be because of economic situations, and I can understand that...
But what I cannot understand is holding the baby on your lap in the front seat while riding in a luxury car ...Surely if you can afford the car, then you can afford the car seat, right? Well, I myself am guilty of doing this several times...And when I put my son in the car seat, I have often received dirty stares from women which can be roughly interpreted as " What kind of a woman would put their angelic son all alone in a car seat while she is sitting in front yapping with the husband!" And this, when the baby is happily sitting in his seat smiling at the moving traffic...
There are times when he hates sitting in his seat, especially if it is dark, and I usually put the inside light on for a few minutes to settle him down...
Sometimes, like the previous ride, I go and sit in the back with him, despite comments like "Oh, you are making your hubby a chauffeur"...
It is difficult to get a good car seat in India...I don't know about the metros, but in the second tier city that I was in, we had to search and search and search till we got a good one...and that too we got lucky because they had just a couple of pieces...And everytime you buy baby gear like a pram, a car seat or high chair or something similar make sure you spend that extra money and get the best that you can afford...My experience has been that the quality is linked to the money paid and if it is a good quality one, it will not only last you longer, but also make it easier for your baby to adapt to it...
That brings me to the next point...Well meaning relatives may discourage you from investing in these things with statements like "He will outgrow it soon" or "He is not going to sit in it"....Trust me, kids do get adjusted very fast...My son was told that it is his own special seat and he understood and was happy to be in it from day one...Each kid is different and I know of friends who have had to use more imagination to make the kids settle in it...But wherever the mother was fully convinced about the benefits, I saw that the baby invariably was in the car seat...and that too happily...afterall, you manage to find innovative ways to keep your loved ones happy and safe...And that's why I feel that parents need to know that a car seat is extremely important for a baby's safety...We are still a long way from the wstern world which insists on a car seat before allowing you to take your new born from hospital to home...But atleast, if each of us can pass the message on...and appreciate a mom who belts up the kid instead of giving misguided advice in the name of love, (like, "Why don't you just let him sit on your lap, poor thing") then we can surely make a difference...
This time it really made a difference that baby was in the car seat...I am not saying that if your baby is in the car seat it automatically translates to safety...But life is all about probabilities and it would be wise to make sure that the chips are stacked in your favor...

P.S It was my in-laws who encouraged us to buy a car seat for baby by giving him the money as a gift for his b'day and telling us to buy one, so here goes a big thank you to them...

..And Then Again...

2010-06-07T11:28:00.002+05:30

When I wrote my last post, I didn't think I would come very close to ending this episode and starting the next one...But that's what has happened...Few things were different this time around...The last time, I promptly blacked out when I saw the blood rushing out like a fountain from hubby's head...This time, I was conscious...a definite improvement...All of us are safe...

The adrenalin rush was so huge that even after 2 hours, I was on the phone with a friend and giggling away like a stupid woman, who is just happy to be alive and to have her hubby and baby by her side...

For the first time, baby's wails were like music...It was an affirmation that he could still differentiate between strangers and family....

We lost our camera as we were shifted from one car to another by Good Samaritans...Hubby was upset that he was not as much in control as the last time around...As far as I am concerned, it just goes on to prove that he is a very loving dad...Morbid pics coming soon...

The Next Time Around…

2010-06-02T17:38:00.001+05:30

By the time you turn 30, you not only create a bucket list, but often a 'beyond bucket' list too…You realize that not all dreams can be achieved this time around…I am not sure if there are rebirths, but if I get a second chance, these are what I want the next time around…

1.Be gorgeously beautiful…I have seen people judge based on skin color…A fair sister didn't help either…So next time around, I want to be this amazingly beautiful woman whom everyone is dying to please..be it kindergarden teachers or potential boy friends...

2. Be married to someone who adores me…This time around I chose to marry someone I adored, so the next time I want to enjoy the feeling of being wanted, loved and worshipped…

3. Live in a village…Don't know if villages would exist, by the time I get my next turn :P, but if possible I want to live in a scenic village with a self sufficient house…Farm, cows, the works…

4. Be born rich and live rich: Coming from a middle class family, the value of 'work for your own bread' is so deeply ingrained in my psyche that I still struggle to hold on to a job even on days when I feel quitting and enjoying relationships is far more important. The next time around, I want to have enough luxuries from a very young age that I am able to take wealth for granted and focus on other aspects…

Hmm, interesting…when I started off on this post I didn't know what I would come up with, so I am surprised at this list myself…What about you? Wanna make this list? Leave me a link so I know you wrote…

The Journey

2010-05-25T10:49:00.001+05:30

Six Years…That's a good time to turn back and see…Afterall, in the interviews, they just asked where do you see yourselves five years from now…and sometimes, they even asked where do I see myself ten years from now…But no one was creative enough to ask me where do I see myself six years from now J

And that's how the journey started…May 17^th 2004 ….in the city of my dreams…Bangalore…In a conference room…We had a few weeks of induction training…And then onto the job…the department that I was assigned to was decided based on the policy of 'Diversity at Work' which meant every department should have a certain percentage of women…and the ones which did not fill the quota took the girls in the group…This was the first of several irrational behaviors that I have seen in the corporate world over the years…

Things I learned in Year 1:

1. "Treat everyone with respect. Your junior today may become your peer tomorrow and boss at a later stage. It can also be the reverse." This was something my first mentor said during induction and it has stayed with me all these years...It is one of the best advice I have ever received…It encapsulates a lot of things…especially the fickle nature of human beings and the decisions they make.

2. When you are ready to quit, you will be offered a plum role…My principle has been to never accept these sweeteners which come too late…

3. You can find great buddies even in the corporate world…

I lived up to the statistics of most MBAs not staying in their first job for more than a year…

Year 2 and 3 was in a consulting firm which I thoroughly enjoyed…There was a lot of politics, but I enjoyed the intellectual stimulation the place gave me…The last few months though were tough as I had to shuttle between two cities since my hubby was in a different place… And around this time is when I started coming to terms with what exactly life is…

Things I learned in Year 2 and 3:

1. If too much money is at stake, manners go out of the window…We had a system of bonuses associated with appraisals and often this was a good chunk of money…the rest is best left unsaid J

2. "A job should give you enough time to enjoy the money you make. It should also give you enough money to enjoy in the time that you have. Too much money and too little time is a waste of your life and too less money and too much time is a recipe for frustration"…This gem of wisdom came from my hubby…and whenever I have wondered if I am leading a balanced life, this is the yardstick I use…

3. It is not easy to give up something you worked for, for all your life, even for the sake of love…Yea, even a romantic like me found that difficult…

I had always dreamt of having a great job and a great family, but sometimes you have to make choices…I made a choice and regretted it many a times and was happy about it many times too…I will only know whether it was the right choice after several more years…

I shifted to my home town in the middle of Year 4 to a job that wasn't really doing justice to the skills I had…That job though, gave me a lot of power, respect from colleagues and seniors and the flexibility needed to start a family…I had my son, traveled to foreign lands for work and hated the proximity of too many relatives crowding my personal space…Finally, by end of Year 6, I was ready to move again…

Things I learned in Year 4, 5 and 6:

1. There is more to life than a rocking career.

2. It takes at least the first five years of your job for you to truly realize what you want to achieve from the next five…

3. When you share your dreams with another person's dreams, it becomes a three legged race…It takes longer to reach the destination, you decide not to stop at certain places though you always wanted to go there, but you also get to see some fantastic places which were not in your itinerary at all…

I am now back to my old firm, but I have really grown over the years…and hence, it does not feel like having come full circle…And I guess the journey was interesting enough for me to want more of it …

And in these six years, there are things that have puzzled me too…The foremost being why people inflate their salaries…I can understand that a salary to a certain extent shows how good you are in your career, but it also depends on which city you are in, and which industry you are in…I am intelligent enough to know these things and when people throw random figures at me, it leaves me puzzled…

And before I close, here is another gem which I have always kept in mind whenever I get disappointed looking at my bank balance. "It does not matter where you start, it matters how fast you run"…The journey has just started…It is a marathon…and the lead runner in the first 100 meters may not always be the winner…And often your marathon route and destination may be very different from that of your neighbour…

Thanks Anu, this journey of introspection made me realize that I haven't wasted six years of my life :P

If

2010-05-14T15:01:00.002+05:30

The long non-blogging inertia could have been broken only with a little bit of external force. And what better way to get it than from a dear friend! When I saw the first two lines of Anu's post I was framing the comment "Anu, why don't you make this into a tag and tag me, pleaaaasee…" and well, as if she heard me even before I said it, by the time I reached the end of her post I was thrilled. So, here goes the tag….and 'cos I am in a verbose mood today, I thought I'd add reasons too!

If I were a month, I'd be April

My birthday, school vacations, Vishu, new clothes, cousins, money, movies….Nothing can beat that!

If I were a day of the week, I'd be Friday

In college, it meant eating out as we had a longer lunch break…These days it is the only day that I can afford to read a book and sleep as late as possible…

If I were a time of day, I'd be 5:00 am

I hardly see this time most of the days, but when I am up, I look to feel the cool breeze and quiet that 5:00 am offers.

If I were a season, I'd be Monsoon

If you have seen the rains in Kerala, you would know why…If you haven't, then come over to my home in June….

If I were a planet, I'd be Venus

The eternal romantic in me, cannot think of anything else…

If I were a sea animal, I'd be Blue Whale

Just to experience, how it feels to be sooooooo huge!

If I were a direction, I'd be East

I like the rising sun!

If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a Rocking Chair

And hope that some handsome dad would rock his child to sleep sitting on me!

If I were a liquid, I'd be Milk

Once upon a time, looong looong back, I read a doha which roughly translated means, "Good men are like milk, they may get angry fast, but they calm down fast too"… I can drink any amount of milk in a day….I am totally crazy about milk …

If I were a tree, I'd be sandalwood

Aah, the smell…

If I were a tool, I'd be a I don't want to be a tool!

That was a tough one, I couldn't think of any tools let alone one which I wanted to be…The ones which came to mind after about an hour of focused thought were hammers and screwdrivers both of which I didn't want to be..

If I were an element, I'd be oxygen

Life giver…I like being of use to someone.

If I were a gemstone, I'd be Ruby

I love the color…and the name too…

If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a Violin

I always wanted to study it…I even bought one for myself and started going for classes…Unfortunately, it was class 10 and I couldn't keep up with the classes…Maybe, someday…

If I were a color, I'd be Baby Pink

Ever since I understood the concept of colors, this has been my favorite….

If I were an emotion, I'd be love

No explanations, no rationale, just love…

If I were a fruit, I'd be a Mango

King of fruits, sweet like honey…

If I were a sound, I'd be that of wind chimes

My sis got me wind chimes when I was in school, and I liked the sound and some hindi movie with Ajay Devgan and Tabu (I think, not sure…) made me love the sound for eternity…

If I were a car, I'd be a Limousine

No reason why…

If I were food, I'd be Pepper Chicken Fry

This would change from time to time, but current favorite is this…

If I were a taste, I'd be that of chocolate

Yummmmm…..

If I were a scent, I'd be that of Roses

I love roses and my dream house has an amazing rose garden in front!

If I were a pair of shoes, I'd be knee length boots

Have never worn boots, sometime soon I plan to own a pair…

If I were a bird, I'd be an Eagle

Anu, somewhere we have a match…:P

Faith

2010-03-28T13:01:00.005+05:30

Yea, faith of the spiritual kind...If you have it in the right amount then I guess it makes you stronger...Not sure though...My mom is extremely religious and still i find her fretting over even the smallest of things...and I wonder, where is the belief....And then there is hubby, who thinks faith is about going to temples...Most of his extended family think likewise, so much so that, his cousin's retort on being told that I am not the temple going type, was "Oh are you a communist?". For a minute, I thought he was joking, but then realised that he was serious. That being my days as the "new bride", I just smiled coyly, thinking inwards "Oh my God, he hardly knows anything about religion or communism :(" ..Soon, I came to know that faith means different things to different people and for some it is just an excuse for social get togethers...I stopped visiting hubby's family temple, ever since people expected me to pay respect to them rather than to the God inside, when I visited...
To me, faith was always shaky....I dilly-dallied all through my teenage years, hoping to find a friend in God...but after many a one sided conversation...all I started feeling after a prayer was utter loneliness...
I am not even sure if I have talked about faith elsewhere in this blog, but right now, when change seems to surround me, and people whom I trusted implicitly let me down yet again, I yearn for that rock solid faith which would help me believe in myself all over again...I have seen people being submissive to God and accepting it all as God's will, but that kind of faith is not for me...I'd rather have a God, who pulls me up when I'm down, looks me squarely in the face, and tells me, "Don't worry, I know I messed up, but I am going to make it up to you! Trust me!" and maybe add in typical SRK style "Mein hoon na...":P
And if am really blubbering away to glory, I wish he would just gather me in an embrace, and not speak a word....and just hold me till I feel better...
Or maybe, all I need is a friend... I am not good at maintaining friendships either...I don't know why, but I always end up being friends with those strong silent characters, who hardly ever share their sorrows with me...and consequently I feel like I should reciprocate with the same stiff upper lip!

To be continued....

Smile, An Everlasting Smile

2010-03-19T22:00:00.002+05:30

There was once a naive me who thought that a smile should always come from the heart. One thing that adulthood has taught me is that, no one waits for that smile to blossom. They are all content to see a flexing of the facial muscles in the right direction...

Update!

2010-03-18T22:47:00.002+05:30

It's Thursday and time to update on my resolutions. Well, waking up at 6:00 Am has been a disaster, primarily because I got hold of an interesting book and kept reading it till 12:00 every night. So, I have decided to modify the resolution to Go to sleep by 11:00 PM and wake up by 6:00 AM. But, I have managed to keep my cool with my son, so that is still continuing to be a great success. It was a stressful fortnight, what with my mom having a minor surgery, the maid quitting, the new maid being awful, my dad falling sick in US and to top it all, baby scared me by falling down flat on his face and blood started coming from his nose. I freaked out, but thankfully it was just a single drop and it stopped. I am proud of the way I handled it - usually I would scream out and that would frighten him further leading to a downward spiral for both of us. He is a sensitive soul who would start crying the moment he sees me upset, so I am always forced to recover quickly from any negative emotions I might have :P. This time, I just decided to take the day off from work, cried out in the bathroom and smiled at him as if nothing was wrong. That helped him forget his pain faster and I guess we are finally learning how to handle each other quite well.
And now on to resolution number 3. I want something that I can achieve, given the failure of resolution no.2, so I have been racking my brains for what it should be. I am going to have a tough time for the next couple of weeks, with my dad coming home sick and am not sure how I will manage everything. My son has started showing interest in story books (not long stories, but those 2-3 page books with just 1-2 lines in each page) so, I have decided that I am going to buy some nice story books for him and read to him every day. He still ends up tearing his books while trying to flip the pages (not purposefully, but accidentally), so I am going to keep these books with me and just take them out for story time. Right now, me being highly unorganized, he has more loose sheets of papers than books.
So here goes:
1. Be patient with my son and don't scream at him

2. Go to bed by 11:00 and wake up by 6:00

3. Get some good story books for baby and read to him for 15 minutes every day.

On Balance

2010-03-12T10:45:00.003+05:30

Here is a conversation that happened between an educated, working couple. Comments invited!

Hubby: You know, there was this Delhi Prinicpal or someone who said in her speech to graduating students that they should aim for a balance in life and not just a stellar performance in their career. Both career and personal life are important. And guess what, she drew a lot of flak for saying that.

Lady: Yep, I agree that you need a balance in life. The problem happens when this idea of balance applies only to the woman in the family.

Hubby: But only a woman can give birth and breastfeed.

Lady: Yea, but if a woman is willing to take 2 years off from her career to give birth and breastfeed, will the guy then say that, I will take the next 2 years off, to look after the baby while you consolidate your career?

Hubby: Why should he? Why do you think guys get married?
Lady: To have a wife, and children
Hubby: exactly

Lady: So, then why not share responsibilities of child rearing as well. Why should lady 'balance' her life, so that hubby can pursue his dreams and ambitions relentlessly? Afterall, the child will love both mom and dad.

Hubby: Well, when a court grants a divorce the baby goes with the mom. So, social structure also favors women to look after the kids. You people have maternity leave. There is no paternity leave....

Lady: Then social structure should change. Or else, people should mutually decide not to have kids. It is not fair to dump the nurturing role to the mother and the bread winning role to the father, especially when the mother in all probability would have strived harder academically and done better than the dad, and hence deserves the bread winning role even more.

Hubby: Why do you think D* (a mutual doctor friend settled in America) wants a wife who is not a doctor?

Lady: Well, to each his own. Maybe some women enjoy the nurturing role, others don't. You cannot judge it based on gender alone. And you can't say that sacrificing one's dreams for another's dreams is achieving balance, especially if the sacrifice is a one way street.

Hubby: Guys generally want a lady who can manage the house.
Lady( by now thoroughly exasperated by hubby's MCP attitude): Yea, they want a doormat to wipe their feet on, when they come back from work.

Baby (irritated by lack of attention from both hubby and lady) : Keeee Keeeee

And that put an end to an interesting discussion.

Post dedicated to all strong women out there....Wanted to write this on Women's Day, but couldn't, as I was busy searching for the elusive 'balance' :P

Update!

2010-03-03T20:43:00.000+05:30

Well, it was tough, but I managed. I managed to be polite and sweet to my son. He did test my patience at times and more than him other people did. But I remembered my promise to myself and instead of taking it out on my son, I looked at him and started singing to him. When he refused to eat (which gets me upset in a major way), I just got up and left, instead of going ahead with a screaming match. He ate most of the time and the one or two odd times he didn't I realized it is much better to let him be...

So, motivated by this success, I am moving to my next goal: Start waking up at 6:00 am in the morning. It is quite tough, because most days I sleep only by 12:00PM. But my sleep wake up routine has been really going topsy-turvy with no schedule whatsoever, and I want to change that before my mom leaves for US. Even on days when I sleep by 10:30 - 11:00 I wake up only by 7:00 AM, primarily because at least one of us needs to be with the baby. But, I hope to wake up and sit next to my son and maybe read a book. Or do some exercise...whatever it is, I want to do this and not keep giving excuses to myself.
So here they are:

1. Do not shout at my son

2. Wake up by 6:00 AM.
I am planning to start tomorrow with the second one. Let me see how I progress....

On Prejudices

2010-03-01T14:51:00.004+05:30

I saw a tamil movie yesterday - Vinnai Thandi Varuvayaa... The actors were nothing great and even the music by A.R.Rahman was a disappointment (probably because of the hyped up expectations), but what made me really like the movie was the story line. It wasn't refreshingly
different or anything, but it set me thinking...Of prejudices and how they change our life - often we make major decisions in life partly because of the prejudices we hold and our life changes forever!

I read a review of the movie which stated that today's youth are not chained down by prejudices and will often marry the person they love. Not really true. I know of enough Mallu Christian families where the threat of "we will not be cremated in the church" from parents work successfully and the girl meekly decides to get married to whomever the parents choose. And that brings me to the question, why are parents who claim to want the best for their kids very vehement when it comes to a marriage that does not meet muster when pitted against their prejudices? In my rebellious teenage years, I thought every love story should be given a chance to succeed. But age has made me wiser.

I have seen liberal parents rue the fact that they allowed their offspring to marry their own choice even when their judgement (which they doubted were prejudices and hence decided to not force them) was dead against the union. There are others who force their prejudices on their kids and despite 'deep and everlasting love', the kids successfully move on and live 'happily ever after' with their new spouse. My own family has examples of both cases. Among my first cousins, I have 3 pairs of divorcees. The first one married a Bengali, with the reluctant blessings of the parents, only to divorce soon after. The second one had a love affair, which the parents did not approve of. She agreed to the match found by her parents, only to say good bye soon afterwards! It would be interesting to see if she would get back to marrying her lover after all. And the third one, well, she too had an arranged marriage. She did not have any previous relationships. But still she could not continue with the guy with whom she was very happy with during her extended courtship years! And then I have yet another cousin who had a love affair with a Goan, then decided to give it up for the sake of her parents and finally decided to marry a Mallu and is very happy with her life.

It is very difficult to make the right choices for your kids -and very difficult to separate out prejudices from experience. In fact often it is experience that shapes prejudices and although every situation should be viewed in its own merit, we often rely on past experience to be a guiding force for decision making, so the line is actually very thin.

The movie also made me think of how the choices that our siblings make affect our lives very deeply. Often, it is said that elder siblings are loving and protective, while the younger ones are bashful and take advantage of the loving kindness of the elder siblings. Which is very true
in any strong sibling bond! But alas, there is another lesser talked about aspect to a very strong relationship with siblings. Often, when one of them disappoints the parents with their choices, (often the elder, because of the time lines) be it in education, career or choice of partner, the other feels the pressure to live up to the expectations of the parents even more. Thus, in a way the younger sibling often ends up carrying the reluctant burden of the parents' prejudices. If anyone could not understand the character of Jessy in the movie and the choices she made, ask me. I know. I know it too well.

I was also personally disappointed with the way the movie ended. I at least know of one couple who are happily married despite the girl being older than the guy although by just a couple of weeks! And no matter how old and practical I become, I guess there will always be a part of me which believes that love should be given the first chance!

What Will I Do?

2010-02-24T16:42:00.003+05:30

Well, after my previous introspective blog that I wrote in a haste, I really thought about life in general. And while I am a huge fan of resolutions and goal setting, I sometimes don't get what I want at the end of the year, mostly because priorities and life situations change very quickly and a year is a fairly long time. So, this time around I have decided to take baby steps - I am going to have one self improvement goal for every two weeks. And if I am able to stick with it, then I will add one more at the end of two weeks. That way, at the end of the year I will be a better person in 25 different ways. And if death comes calling unexpectedly, I can at least die with the satisfaction that I was a better person today than yesterday!

Since I always love a challenge, I am going to try something that is extremely difficult - to be patient with my son! Yea, it may sound silly and simple to the rest of you out there, but every day at some moment or the other my son really exasperates me and I feel "Oh my God !" . I
haven't smacked him yet, but I invariably take out my frustrations by screaming at him - and even if it lasts just 10 seconds or less, I feel terrible about it. The causes would usually be his refusal to eat his meals or his insistence on playing with the computer just when I decide to type something out. And what is worse, sometimes I am in a foul mood and even for no fault of his end up taking it out on him. So, I am going to start identifying the triggers and stop the triggers itself. Let me see if I succeed in not raising my voice at my son for the next two weeks!

Will keep you all posted on the progress.

Today is Feb 24th and the end date would be March 10th.

The Last Day Of Your Life

2010-02-24T16:28:00.002+05:30

Often when death stares you in your face through someone else's dead eyes, you tend to question the futility of it all. Your dreams, hopes,plans - all of that can be swept away by death in one swift wave. And that's when most people advise that you should live each day as if it is your last.

But I do not quite agree. I mean, it is all nice and fair to say that you must always love and forgive and be nice, but there are times when you hold back your responses just because you know that you are going to continue with the other person for a much longer time. Often forgiving someone does not happen because of any magnanimous emotional enlightenment, rather it is a simple process of "it is too difficult now to fight with this person". But if I knew that it was going to be my last day, I would happily go scream my lungs out at certain people who have irked me. I would also spend a lot of money (my credit cards have very high limits!) and roam around the world as if no tomorrow exists.I would do all the things that I have always wanted to do, but did not, just because common sense and pragmatism won over emotional dreams and senseless adventure. But if I were to come back and realize that I am not gonna die after all, then I would really have a lot of mess in my hands! So, living life as if it is the last day every day is not going to really work out - at least in my case.

Some other people suggest that maybe there is an after life and this life should be creatively used to prepare for that after life which is going to be a union with God. While it is quite pleasant to think of sitting on God's lap, I am not willing to give up the pleasures of this life for an at best uncertain future :)

That leaves me with the question: If my life were to end unexpectedly, on some random day, then is there any thing that I can do differently today? Especially if I don't know when it will come - tomorrow or decades later, then it is difficult to do something about it. I guess that is why most people just get on with their normal lives till tragedy strikes closer to home. Till then I guess the stupid notion that you are not likely to die before 80 serves well!

I wish someone could clearly explain what death entails - I think it is scary because it seems so final and you are so helpless in front of it. When man conquers death, (which i am sure he will someday or the other) then the earth would definitely be a very different place to live. I believe the need to procreate will end when we reach that milestone!

Moving My Cheese

2010-02-19T12:49:00.003+05:30

After much debate between the mother and the professional in me, I have finally decided to move to a different city in search of a better job (hopefully). I had never understood why everyone seemed too keen on becoming an adult, as it seemed as if adulthood was mundane and boring with a whole host of responsibilities. But recently I have begun to feel differently. I can now actually answer the question "Where do you see yourselves 5 years down the line?" in a very clear manner. I know that life can throw curve balls at me, but at least for now the vision is clear. And the answer is not some crappish MBA gyan that you give your recruiter!

My only apprehension is about my son. I hope he would learn to adapt himself to the changes in life and not get unduly hurt in the process. His primary caregiver (no, not me) is going off to the US and I am not sure how he will handle it.

On other news, after scaring my pants off, my son has finally gained the confidence to take baby steps all by himself. He is also becoming more comfortable around strangers. (this was more important for his dad, I couldn't care less :)). The next target for me is to teach him to hold a glass and drink by himself!

Different mothers have different parenting styles and they all want the best for their kids. Personally, I would consider myself successful if I can teach him to be independent, kind and loving. Yea, and also the ability to express himself tactfully! (which is something I am still learning although I have managed to keep quiet far more than I would have 10 years before). The rest I believe will come naturally, though I am not sure I will feel the same after he starts his school. I have already started getting advice about play schools though my son is hardly a year and a half. I wonder what is the right age for play schools or whether like toilet training there are some signs I can watch out for, to say how ready he is!

My hubby has always been telling me that all that prevented me was a fear to move my cheese and it was his encouragement primarily that helped me take this decision. I am glad he is a gentleman who does not have a problem supporting his wife's ambitions!
And not to forget a kind soul who managed to extend a loving hand from literally down under to pull me up when I was feeling down! Yea, such are the ironies of life that someone staying below you can actually pull you up :P

Life's Like That

2009-12-21T19:00:00.002+05:30

The festive season being round the corner, lady and hubby gets invited for an Xmas party. It was a last minute invite with additional complications - it was a theme party (red and white) and they were supposed to take two gifts each for less than Rs.100.
In between a mad rush to get a red and white outfit for hubby, both are discussing what would be an ideal gift...Lady, being the eternal dreamer suggested candle sticks. pen holders, cute teddies and curios.
Hubby kept saying no to each idea while urging the lady to think practically and come up with a 'useful' gift idea. Lady was getting irritated by hubby's practical nature, till she had the last laugh by suggesting the most practical gift that she could think of for Rs. 100.
With a bright smile she told hubby, "Now, you can't say no to this one...Every household would need this...I've come up with this one after applying rational thought ..." And when hubby gave his nod of approval, lady presented her grand idea - "let's buy 2kgs of onions and get it gift wrapped !"

Random Doubts

2009-12-16T18:54:00.000+05:30

Some questions that have crossed my mind last week, in no particular order of significance:
1. If we could actually hear God talking to us, how would that be?
2. When you say something and your friend responds in the line of - "but that's not the topic of discussion", is your friend being rude or are you being hyper-sensitive ?
3. Is physical stamina the most underrated ingredient in happy parenting?
4. What are the small things that make a big difference to your loved ones?
5. Much as I like to think of myself as a broad minded individual, what are some of the prejudices that i still have?
6. Is it ok to mix spirituality with charity? Most charities that I wish to support have a clear religious leaning and I am having a problem with that. I am not sure why.
7. Does it require more strength to be an atheist or a believer? The doubting middle path of course, is the easiest :)
As the festive season rolls in, maybe, I will spend more time in introspection and turn some of the answers into resolutions for the New Year.

Manners

2009-12-16T06:56:00.000+05:30

These days I often wonder as to when is the right time to start teaching my son some "good manners". Then again, with globalisation and all that jazz, what manners do you essentially teach? Or are manners more fundamental than etiquettes? As in, maybe the underlying ideas of compassion,love,kindness,honesty etc remain the same , but their manifestations differ from place to place. So maybe what I need to teach is not actually manners, but a sensitivity and appreciation of these ideas, so that he is flexible enough to model his behaviour to reflect these feelings to the recipient.

Afterall, I strongly believe that in most situations in life, you need to be honest only to yourselves. For all the rest, its perceptions that matter, not truth !

Colonies

2009-12-15T18:52:00.001+05:30

I have never lived in a colony, but have very fond memories of life in a colony. Every vacation, we used to visit cousins who lived in a colony. My fondness was due to several reasons:

- The houses looked similar, (but were not carbon copies like some villa projects these days)

- The roads were semi-private - i.e mostly were used only by residents who were careful about children who cycle around and play street football or cricket

- It was self-sufficient - there was a post-office, playground,grocery shop and vegetable shop right inside the colony and a bus-stop and auto-stand right outside

- There were a lot of children who were our age-group , which meant vacations were great fun

- You could easily get lost in the cob-web of roads inside the colony , but never truly be lost 'cos whichever way you walked you had to sooner or later reach home... (well,hubby dear would have a different story to tell, about how I made him go round and round in circles inside that colony in the dead of the night for close to an hour before I let him ask for directions :P)

All in all I guess the residents of that colony had the right amount of close-knitted feel amongst them without having to step onto each others toes...I miss having friends with whom I can just be :(

On Hope

2009-12-03T12:41:00.001+05:30

When tears cloud my judgement
Your face seems like a monster's
I can never match up to your devious plans
But still I struggle
Just to stay afloat
Like a vulture you wait
To hear that last breath

I look at the blue sky
But, your shadow clouds my vision
You scream away my joys
You shout out my fun
You've pinned me down
And skinned my feathers
I am your prey, I fully understand
But I've promised myself "never again"
And the last laugh shall surely be mine...

New feathers shall sprout
And you shall tire waiting
I'll fly away when I'm ready
Never to be back
Never to be attacked

Clearing the Clutter

2009-11-27T20:19:00.000+05:30

It's strange how people around you can affect your thoughts...even if they are not very dear to you, just by their constant presence and banter they influence you, and before you know it, you are making excuses for the person that you are...which is something that should never happen, in my opinion...
For the past several months, life had been moving ahead at such a fast pace that I never had the time to sit back and sort through the thoughts in my head...and to classify them as "originated by me" or "planted by others"...Finally things reached a tipping point and I decided that it's time to take stock of life in general...
And I realized and affirmed to myself that...
1. No one has the right to make me feel guilty of my choices...The baby was a conscious choice that hubby and self made...I wanted my child to have a certain kind of life, most important of which was that I wanted him to grow up with family and not with maids...Fortunately for me, my mom offered to help out, and so I could keep my job (which is also very important for me)...It has also meant that anywhere I travel in the evenings or over the weekend, my baby is with me...I feel its not right to leave him behind..and that's my choice..It is extra work no doubt, and I have significantly reduced my overnight outings...I used to travel a lot before the baby came...But, now its easier and more relaxing for me to just be home....this is a new phase of my life,where I am happier to stay at home...and I do not want any condescending advice on how "everybody else travels with kids" ...
2. There is no reason to feel bad that I am unable to do X,Y,Z because I have a baby...Having a baby is a different kind of fun, and I'd rather do things I enjoy doing rather than experiment with things to please others/conform...and as I am an evolving individual, 'things I enjoy' keep changing from time to time...
3. Babies,just like adults have different personalities...Just 'cos someone thinks my baby needs to improve his social skills, does not mean I need to hand over a wailing baby into their open arms..My baby expects me to protect him and I am quite content to let him explore his social circle at a pace that is comfortable to him...
4. My job is important to me, just as my hubby's job is important to him...as a result, an emergency at home means that we take turns taking the day off...and no one can tell us to do otherwise...no job is more noble/more difficult than another...a job is meant to bring in the money that can be used for economic survival and should be treated like that...
5. "Give respect and take respect"...your position/age/experience does not entail you to automatic respect from me....I don't expect even my one year old son to obey me unconditionally...If I treat him well, he would treat me well in return...and that applies to the way I deal with everyone...If I am rude to you, it is a clear way of signalling to you that I expect to have nothing to do with you...and I resort to that only when even cool indifference fails to get the message across...

The Magic Moments

2009-11-17T18:59:00.003+05:30

I was thinking of magicians the other day...People often tell you to follow your passion while selecting a career. I am sure most magicians would have been fascinated with magic when they were young...Or rather, all kids are fascinated with magic when they are young...The passionate ones follow their dreams and go on to become magicians...But, once there, it is all mechanical work...The "Awe Factor" of magic is gone...

Does that disillusion the magician?Or does he comfort himself saying "the journey was worth it!"?
On a more spiritual note, did God feel the same way after creating the world? A feeling of "tired and it wasn't worth it after all" ?

On a wider context, is it better to let some miracles be rather than trying to unravel them all? Are some dreams better left alone as dreams ? Is it necessary to always break down all your dreams into goals,sub-goals,milestones etc, create elaborate plans, and work towards their fulfillment? Isn't it better to keep some dreams in that quiet corner of your heart, so that on a lazy Sunday, you can dust them back , look at them fondly, let your imagination run wild with possibilities and then end up with a good laugh at life's comedy of errors* ?

*Wikipedia says "A comedy of errors is dramatic work (often a play) that is light and often humorous or satirical in tone, in which the action usually features a series of comic instances of mistaken identity, and which typically culminates in a happy resolution of the thematic conflict."

Vikram Aur Vethal

2009-11-11T21:06:00.001+05:30

The other day we went to a relative's house and she insisted on feeding my son something. I tried refusing as politely as possible, however she was persistent and started offering him cut apple pieces which he promptly threw around the house, while I did the 'catch-it-before-it-falls-down-and-pop- it-into-own-mouth' tactic.
Next she offered him banana chips. I again refused - reasons being 1. He was already full 2. He usually throws around stuff and I am not visiting someone's house to teach my son discipline (I'd rather prevent such situations as he is too young to be disciplined in my view) 3. I am trying to raise my son in a way that he appreciates healthy food and not oily snacks.
I gave her reason 1 as I was sure she will definitely not appreciate reasons 2 and 3.
She again persisted and this time she said, "I am just playing with the kid.." and turning to him "..baby, offer this to your mom". I relented expecting her to give the chips in his hand.
And then disaster struck.
In one swift motion, she thrust the chips into his mouth and broke off the small bit that was left outside. My startled son tried to swallow it,but choked on it. Somehow, I gathered my wits and slapped his back, so he promptly threw up. And the lady in question was crooked enough (I can't describe her any other way) to tell the other people in the room "Oh, I didn't give it to him. He picked it up himself and put it in his mouth".
It then took me a herculean effort to stay calm, not correct her lie, and clean up my son. Hubby dear meanwhile wanted me to clean up their rug where my son had thrown up. His logic (explained later to me) was "Once he threw up, everything was fine with him, then why not be civil? " . We spend another 15 minutes there, acting as if everything was normal.
This happened a couple of days back,but I am yet to recover from the shock. I can't stop thinking about it, and every time the thought crosses my mind my heartbeat reaches 120 and I break out in a cold sweat.
Readers, three questions:
1. How would you have reacted to such a situation ? Would you have given the other person a piece of your mind or would you have acted civilly and told yourselves "all is well that ends well"? Where do you draw the line between showing your other cheek and beating them up black and blue?
2. How would you prevent such a situation from happening? Basically how do you say no in such a fashion that it gets through the thick skull of morons?
3. If you were in my place,would you visit her again? If so, how would you behave? Would you let her play with your son again?

Update !

2009-10-28T22:15:00.001+05:30

Haven't blogged in a while now, except to use this platform as my crib space...And I have been missing this space as a platform to express my intelligent (:P) views on life as I see it...I have been busy otherwise, though...Hubby dear has passed his exams, baby is a year old (no longer a baby), and I am at that stage in my career when I want a change...

Thankfully, my firm is going in for a restructuring exercise and hopefully I'll be doing something different soon and that will satisfy my urge for variety :) ..I wonder why some of us are always looking for variety and change while others dread them and are quite happy with the status quo...
One of my biggest disappointments when i had my baby was that I'd be tied down for quite some time in one place...Ok, literally you could travel with a baby,and there are many who do it, but personally I wanted to be sure that my son has inherited our 'travel freak gene' before we subjected him to it...Parenting is the most challenging job on planet earth...
My friends are all on the path of having second babies - apparently there is an interesting trend called baby bunching...closely spacing your kids...think Madhuri Dixit and Julia Roberts ! well, hubby still hasn't recovered from baby blues and post partum depression yet :P , so that is still a loong way off for me !
There is still an itch to start something on my own...I thought I was over it, but seems my mind still thinks of possibilities ! My leisure time is mostly spent learning derivatives trading, though my biggest business idea is still a nimbu-pani shop a.k.a pettikkada . I wonder whether there has been some study conducted on why people work and what is the most common reason that has emerged !
My very own flat is ready to be occupied, and I am busy planning the interiors ...Its nice to have your own piece of sky, if not earth :) ...Is man a territorial animal?
I have activated my internet connection on my mobile and have decided to start tweeting ! Can someone tell me how to copy-paste while browsing using your mobile? Yeah,yeah I am a technological retard !
All in all, life is exciting and almost reaching the way I had dreamt it to be !

Stuck !

2009-10-03T10:23:00.001+05:30

When you are stuck between the devil and the deep sea and you don't know swimming, the choice is obvious right ? You atleast have a fighting chance with the devil :P

When the World Celebrates Your Birthday...

2009-09-02T19:13:00.001+05:30

...ok maybe,not quite...But atleast Malayalees all over the world would be celebrating your birthday year after year and eating sumptuous lunches wearing new clothes...

My sweet lil' baby, here's a recount of how everyone who cares deeply for you went out of their way to make the day extra special for you...

I had planned the menu with your granny much in advance...We bought all the vegetables...You dad grated the coconuts and everyone pitched in to make all the items in the sadya...forgetting their illnesses and their fiery tempers, our family came together to enjoy the greatest joy in our lives...YOU !!! Now, if only your cousin, your valiyamma and valiyachan were also around it would have been perfect !

I was quite tensed about how it will all turn out, but in the end the day left me with a lot of special memories...

And when people whom you haven't even met send across their love to you, then my son, you are truly blessed !

Here's wishing you happiness, health, peace, knowledge, intelligence, and most importantly a loooong life filled with lotsssssssss and lotsssssssssssss of love ! (I wonder if I'll feel the same when he talks about his first crush !)

Just One Question...

2009-08-28T19:26:00.002+05:30

When you killed the other four, why did you give me a different fate?
It would have spared us both a lot of heartaches, right?

Fiction...

2009-08-28T19:24:00.001+05:30

She had stepped out to the balcony to feel the sun…Sitting in the cubicle makes one lose track of time. And then she saw the construction work happening below. The earth was being piled.

She had only learned about piling in her basic civil engineering course…But now, she saw it in action…The brown muddy water which formed rivulets…Mud caked men mixing concrete and pouring it into a vast drum which was connected to the underground by a pipe…

The poet in her felt like the earth was crying…in agony…and the molten concrete was being poured into her heart..and pounded..on and on…till she stopped crying and was ready… No wonder they call her “Mother Earth” and not “Father Earth”… she mused to herself and returned back to her dark cubicle…

Self Reflection...

2009-08-01T07:27:00.001+05:30

...Have been doing that quite a bit in the past few days...One of the things I was shy about in my younger days (yep, I am growing older :( ...) was to ask for help....I used to be very shy to ask for even the smallest of favours...Came adulthood and MBA and some rough corporate years and I slowly learned the art of asking for help...and most often got it...But the occasional times I was refused, especially in my personal life, made me miserable...These instances used to rattle me so badly that I have often wondered whether it is worth all that heart ache...that gnawing pain which makes you feel shunned by loved ones.... And then I spent some considerable time pondering about it...and realised that the key is to analyse the situation before asking for help...and this is the analysis I do these days..."If they refuse to help, will I be able to do it myself?" and if the answer is no , then I don't ask for help...because if I can't / won't do it for whatever reason*, then it is unfair to expect others to do it for me....and if the answer is yes, then I ask for help, confident in the knowledge that though it may take more time/effort to get it done myself, atleast I have the confidence that it will surely get done - either by them or by me. And thus, whenever someone refuses to help me these days, they atleast don't get the glib satisfaction of having hurt me...'cos I get the task done anyway...and that too with a smile...which sometimes even manages to make the other person feel redundant, and this makes them help me out more often...convoluted logic, I agree...but works fine ! Afterall, the human mind is a complex mesh...And craving for attention and appreciation is an almost universal phenomenon...(The Roarks may please bow and stand aside :))

*If lack of skills is the reason, then I always make it a point to learn the skills needed to execute the task...self improvement and self reliance is the best way to live life !!!!

I Just Wrote...

2009-07-07T19:41:00.002+05:30

We've been through one of the toughest years of our lives...and one of the most magical too...we took on responsibilities that we were ill-equipped to...the baby,the exams, the job...it was tough on both of us...people who were supposed to help out...either had better things to do and different priorities or else expected us to feel totally obligated to them for helping us...is that what loved ones are expected to do? I'm not sure, and anyway that's the topic of another post...This post is about us...

I've written earlier as well, about how "if it doesn't kill you, it will only make you stronger"..and today, I realise that the "you" refers not only to people , but relationships as well...We've survived the year, and I'm sure our relationship has become much more stronger - thanks to the experience...

Several times during the year, I've never got the time to stop and count my blessings...But everytime, I was relaxed enough to do it...you were always no. 1 in that list...It's another matter that by the time, I reach up to the phone to inform you of that, life would hit me squarely in the face and make me scream at you instead :P

If I were to make a list of things to thank you for, it would be endless, but the top most item would be "Thanks for never giving up on me..."

Here's wishing you love, joy, happiness, health, success, peace and everything else that makes one feel "A life well lived"...and that includes more movies too :P

Since childhood, seven was always my favorite number. And maybe it's magic that I got you - you who were born on 7-7 as my soulmate. And so, on this wonderful day, borrowing from that amazing song, I am letting you know...I just wrote...to say I love you.

Two Roads

2009-06-23T14:52:00.002+05:30

We all face it at some time or the other...a deep sense of bewilderment....You choose a road expecting a certain view , but then after toiling hard for what seems like an infinitely long time, there still is no sign of the beautiful vistas whose dreams propelled you during those hard and lonely paths...You suddenly realise how lonely the travel had been and how hard...and you wonder whether its time to turn back and choose a different road...The weariness hits you hard...and you feel your knees weaken....when do you finally stop torturing yourselves and call it quits?When your spirits are thoroughly crushed, where do you then find the courage to atleast move on?

Just a Note..

2009-05-28T06:21:00.000+05:30

...to say I remembered

Money Vs Principles

2009-05-15T22:23:00.001+05:30

Are your principles only valid as long as the weather is fair? For example, it is lofty to say that one will always speak the truth, but the strength of the principle is manifested when one has something to hide and still chooses the truth. We all have varying degrees of righteousness, and we justify ourselves into believing that our comfort zone is the perfect balance - anything lesser is immoral and unethical and anything more is idealistic and self-defeating ! And then, there is the classic question of "If your loved one is in a life/death situation, will you bribe the doctor?".

My personal stance on it is that each person can define his/her own limits and I don't feel anyone more stringent (than me) in their definitions are at a moral high ground, nor do I look down at others with a more relaxed attitude to life...However, one thing that I abhor is double standards...that is, if you have one set of values for self and another set for other people...Like for example, you find it perfectly alright to shout at someone, but the moment someone shouts at you, you act wounded and hurt...or you say that I don't bitch about one person to the other and then promptly go ahead and do it anyway...

Now on to the title - what do you do when you are faced with someone whom you are dependent on for some reason, but whose double standards pisses you off royally...When someone tries to bully you emotionally - do you suffer them in silence?Or do you be zen like in your acceptance of their behaviour? Or do you grit your teeth and hold your principles and move away from them? I would really love to choose the last option, however I need the money my job gives me and for me to keep my job I am dependent on a whole host of emotional bullies...Its easy to say that you can live on a reduced income but practically not always feasible...

And its at times like these that I, who was a staunch supporter of anti-dowry marriages, now wish I got married with a big fat dowry (ok, you may go ahead and call it the politically correct "wedding gift") ...

There is a saying in my native tongue that when loosely translated means "The wealth of knowledge is more important than all other wealths" ...But, knowledge, unless its put to use in a job cannot feed mouths, but money in a bank can let you do that without sacrificing on quality time with your son and hubby...Right now, I guess I prefer the latter...

I have come to realize that though money can't buy everything....it can buy more things than I initially thought it could - peace of mind, sense of self worth and independence are just a few... Afterall, even a yoga class these days costs money :P

For You Dear Son...

2009-05-04T19:43:00.000+05:30

As you grow older, I have this feeling that I may forget all the wonderful moments that make your childhood the best thing that ever happened to me...It's sometimes very easy to forget what a blessing you are, especially when the day to day grind overshadows the miracle that you are (or for that matter any baby is)..

So here goes the list of things that I'd like to read about when you finally grow up and move on...In MBA jargon, this post is supposed to lift my spirits during my "empty nest" phase of life :P

Feb 27th - You had your "choroonu" on this day. I chose the family temple over the more popular destination of Guruvayoor, because I didn't want it to be a hurried affair. I decided on the venue and then informed others, including your dad as I didn't want other opinions to cloud my intuition of what's best for you...The ceremony went off beautifully..You had your first train journey en-route to the temple...

Apr 20th - You had your first hair cut...At home, by your doting grandma...She took pains to style your hair and you looked amazing in your mushroom cut...As I buried your first lock of hair, I could feel the ache that all mothers complain of when their kids grow up - It's a mixture of love, pride and 'letting go' ...

Around this time you also had your first tooth...I came home in the evening and when your grandma told me that you had cut your first tooth, I was sooo excited like a small child myself...I kept pleading with you to show it to me and you in all innocence smiled back and just thrust your tongue forward ! By around night time, I finally got a glimpse of it when you yawned...

You are also one naughty fellow...you have by now already scared the life out of me by falling down from the bed, pouring soup all over you and then banging your head against the seemingly safest of toys ! And all of this, under my watchful eyes...Your dad keeps saying.."for many more to come" , everytime I get upset at each of these instances...:)

You love travelling and you love music...Just like you mom and dad...

And so leaving behind your current hot favs in the order of your preference:
1. Madhuraikku Pokathedi - Azhagiya Tamizh Magan

2. Jai Ho - Slumdog Millionaire

3. Masakkali - Delhi 6
Any of these songs in the background will make feeding you seem like the easiest task ...The other sure shot way to feed you is to have your brother around...Seeing him you get mesmerized !

P.S : No, I am not becoming a mommy blogger...Soon posts of international significance shall follow ;)...Despite my mad schedule I found time to vote...Now eagerly waiting for the results as for the first time, I have a favorite candidate...I am also finding time to read up on swine flu and Obama's performance evaluation at the 100 day mark...In short life has fully returned to normal...And it didn't take as long as I expected :)

Before I Die...

2009-04-29T19:41:00.003+05:30

Recently I have been reading in several places about the things you'd like to do before you die. I am a great fan of goal setting and planning and so I thought your 29th b'day is as good a time as any to put down my own list. Afterall, from next year onwards i'll no longer be "in my twenties"...and, in my mind that means your time literally has started running out...
There are things I've wanted and achieved, but I haven't included them in this list as this is just a roadmap for the future...
Things to do Before I Die
Learn
1. French
2. Japanese
3. Piano
4. Violin
5. Oil Painting
6. Swimming
7. Driving
8. Salsa
Visit
1. The Singapore Zoo with my son
2. Venice with hubby and ride the Gondola
3. Stay at Ritz, Paris
4. Leh
5. Switzerland
6. Australia
7. New Zealand
8. Canada
9 London
10. Indonesia
11 Andaman Islands
Do
1. Take a cruise in a luxury ocean liner
2. Bake a chocolate cake
3. Bake chocolate chip cookies
4. Build my dream home
5. Take a year off
6. Make a bouquet from my own garden
5. Knit a sweater
6. Publish a story
7. Wear a designer gown
8. Dance in the rain

Letting Off Steam...

2009-04-27T21:15:00.004+05:30

The other day a senior member in my family insulted me very badly…she belittled my education, my dad’s financial status, my lack of respect for her and my total disinterest in “the socially right thing to do”…Other elements under attack included the way I rear my baby (now, that one is a favorite among my nay-sayers these days )

Now, I had to make peace with her… My usual way of making peace in such a situation is to counter the arguments leveled against me, offer explanations of my behavior and have a verbal fist fight …at the end of which either party can admit defeat or can politely agree to disagree … in either case, the adrenaline rush of the verbal exchange acts as salve to my injured ego and I let go of it immediately and forget any harsh feelings that the initial insult would have caused…and the result is that the relationship is back to status quo.

However this time around, hubby insisted that I don’t worsen the situation by giving verbal expression to my very valid and logical responses. And I didn’t have a choice but to make peace..So, I sulked for a couple of days but finally relented and gave an impression of having made peace…

But in an ideal world this is how I would have responded…

You cannot take away my self-respect by screaming and shouting…I have quite a huge reservoir of self-worth and my education is something I am very proud of…It’s another matter that during my MBA classes , I used to wonder what am I learning here and is it all a waste of money till a very intelligent friend pointed out to me that if I look at all the things I knew in life before I joined my MBA and afterwards, then there is definitely bound to be a significant delta !

My parents may not have had the luxury that you had during the same period…However, they are much richer than you in certain other aspects… their daughters remember fondly how they were physically present during all their childhood achievements, how they encouraged their daughters to dream big and then achieve that dream without compromising values of truth and integrity, how they gracefully let go of their daughters’ lives once they were adults themselves, how they let their daughters decide for themselves and then face the consequences and most importantly how they gave the confidence that no matter how messed up life would become at a later stage they are still loved …

I am sure every time there was an injured knee or a broken heart, it must have taken all their strength and then some more to not go on a “let me advise you” mode..But today I am much stronger because of it and I am extremely proud of my parents…even when I have the most bitter fights with them and even when I don’t agree to a lot of their actions ! Afterall, its their parenting which has given me the power to feel that what they are doing is wrong and not feel guilty about the feeling… I don’t think you as a parent can claim any of this !

There are certain feelings that come naturally and others that can be triggered– respect and love are among the former , anger among the latter …No, I don’t classify feelings as positive and negative..all feelings can happily coexist in the human brain..However, if you are upset that I don’t respect you, nothing can be done about it…Your emotional melodrama won’t do it, nor will loving care do it…

In my brain respect comes spontaneously …like a spark and there are people whom I respect for their professional achievement while abhor for their personal merit ..there are also people I respect who absolutely don’t know that I respect them..’cos my respect is not displayed in the usual ways of getting up when they walk into the room, or obeying them without countering their commandments…The only way I respect is to try and achieve in my life the aspect that I respect..For example, there is a dear friend who sends me b’day cards to lift my spirits…I respect that bit about her, about intuitively knowing the right thing to do…and I try to reach there…but that doesn’t mean that I will promptly send her back another b’day card..which is what the “right thing to do” is..Well, not for me !

I may on the other hand send a card to someone else whom I know is in desperate need of a spirit lift…afterall, imitation is the best form of flattery…as well as respect !

I believe that society is just a complex instrument – much like a Swiss army knife…each person decides how he/she wants to use it..Some keep polishing it and using all aspects of it, others like me are perfectly content just to watch its beauty (and ugliness) from afar … I don’t think I am losing out on life because society doesn’t approve of my actions nor do I feel exceptionally happy when it does…I am intensely passionate, but unfortunately for you, it’s not societal approval that gives me a turn on... To know more about me please refer Ayn Rand..

The last bit about how I rear my baby…You may have seen more babies that I will ever see in my lifetime and maybe all mothers on planet earth (and even maybe Mars and Venus) know better than me…however he is MY baby…and that’s reason enough. PERIOD. Atleast till he learns to find his own rights and wrongs...

Phew ! Now I feel much better…

Life's Little Ironies

2009-04-11T20:44:00.003+05:30

It's strange how life treats you sometimes ! There was a point in my life when all I wanted was some human company...anybody to atleast just talk to...And today I have so many people around me that all I look for is some "me-time"...
I was looking forward to the extended weekend - planning to watch a movie after ages, and also catch up on a lot of things - books, spring cleaning, time with hubby et al...However baby is sick and the house is in chaos...And I did the unthinkable...left everything behind and came to office...the silence is just charming...Talk about work-life balance :P

Food for Thought

2009-02-13T23:13:00.002+05:30

Unless you are ready to take responsibility of the adversity of wrong choices you cannot afford to be smug about your right choices !

Spirit Crushers

2009-02-07T21:35:00.003+05:30

The other day I spoke with three different friends of mine - all of whom had lost the spirit of life. They all came from different environments and their problems too were unique. The common thread that emerged however was someone very close who acts as a well wisher but ultimately ends up crushing your spirit. These spirit crushers will continuously make one feel inadequate about dealing with one's life and would keep offering "valuable" advise and sometimes even lend out a helping hand....

They are great manipulators...There is no escape from them. You can't talk back to them either because you are dependent on them or because they are officially very close to you. Any time they sense that you are even remotely happy they will go to great lengths to hurt you and then make you feel that you got hurt 'cos of your own problems..You can't even run away from them ...They will not allow you to express your emotions...you cry and they'll say you are being vulnerable...you get angry and they'll say that you don't know how to behave...On the other hand they will use tears and emotional blackmail to very good effect...They will continue their tactics till you have given up all joy and hope about life...They will transform you to a walking ghost of your previous self...and that too a sad walking ghost...

P.S I too have my share of spirit crushers in my life...How do you deal with the ones in your life?

The Year That Was...

2009-02-02T22:10:00.000+05:30

I had dreamt about 2008 here . Now, it's time to take stock...
I did bake a cake for hubby's b'day...The cake however was a disaster :P
Didn't manage to visit either Leh or Switzerland :( ...Instead visited the Switzerland of the East (Sikkim) and had a lovely time...
Started learning both Japanese and French and dropped both midway..However, I have become proficient in another language... it's called baby talk...
I don't know whether I managed to spread cheer in other people's lives, however, someone special came into my life and is spreading a lot of cheer :)

In the final analysis, 2008 will always be one of the most special years of my life and I shall spend its anniversary in all coming years.

The year was afterall very productively spent creating this

and then transforming him to this...

P.S realised I had started this post in Dec 2008 and now its Feb 2009...How time flies !...Only moms will understand the happiness of being able to find the time to publish a post which has been lying in the draft status for such an impossibly long time !

Independence

2008-12-09T20:49:00.002+05:30

The other day my hubby jokingly defined independence as "in dependence" :P ...

How would you define it? How important is being independent in life? Where is the thin line between getting help and being dependent? How important is financial independence? Would you trust someone enough to be economically dependent on them?

So many questions...and no easy answers !

Tomorrow I am implementing a decision taken with my head...Usually my head and heart work in sync and on the rare occasions that they don't, I have always allowed my heart to rule and never regretted the decisions...This time around, I am giving my head a chance to prove its worth ! Signing off today, hoping my head doesn't disappoint me...

When Fear Rules...

2008-12-01T12:18:00.002+05:30

I was invited for a child's birthday party today. However, on learning that I had a mild cold, the enthusiasm from the invitation vanished. It was social niceities that prevented the host from openly telling me "please don't come". Reason ofcourse, being that they were afraid I might pass my cold virus to the child...I sensed their discomfort and politely excused myself...and felt terrible that I was missing the birthday celebration of someone very very dear to me...

When fear rules, reason vanishes...Today is World AIDS Day...There are numerous campaigns trying to educate people about this and about the need for including them in mainstream society...On the other hand, you also read about children being denied admission to schools, people being told not to draw water from wells etc because they carry the virus...In more "sophisticated" societies, this ostracising is more subtle...They will smile outside, cringe inside and then hurry off from the company of these people...

When will man overcome fear? I guess, no matter how many moons and planets we conquer, unless we conquer fear, we are always vulnerable...And this vulnerability will end up hurting our loved ones in day to day life, society in general and even mar the progress of human race in the long term...

Babies...

2008-11-08T17:09:00.005+05:30

Just some random thoughts and incidents to remind me of this period in my life 20 years hence...

1. Feeding: F-I-L: "Babies are lazy creatures, you have to wake them up and feed them. Else they'll sleep through their hunger."
M-I-L: "No baby will starve himself to death. He will wake up when he wants his feed."
Random self professed expert (RSPE): "Give him a bottle at night, so that you can sleep peacefully."

2. Maternity leave: F-I-L (who is an employer of several women): "As an employer giving maternity leave is a costly proposition."
M-I-L: "Why don't you consider extending your leave for some more time?"
RSPE: "Kids will grow by themselves. Send him to a creche."

By the way, like all new moms, I was cursing myself for not ever considering a govt. job as an option during my career search, when I heard about the new maternity and childcare benefits announced for Central Govt. employees... A healthy discussion can be found here.

3. Kajal: M-I-L: " Everyone including the pead in our hospital says that unless you apply kajal, the baby won't have eyebrows."

Next day, I go to the hospital for my baby's shots and the pead gives me a pamphlet on child care with this advice "Applying kajal is not healthy."

When experts (both F-I-L and M-I-L are doctors) themselves are divided on what's best for baby, what am I to do? Trust my instincts ???

Dilemma

2008-11-06T13:32:00.002+05:30

"To what extent should I sacrifice my self-respect and my ideals to ensure my baby's comfort?" - that's the nagging question in my mind these days. If I stand my ground and in the process subject him to some uncomfortable situations, will that be "my selfishness and ego coming in the way of my child's upbringing" ? Or will it be a lesson in "strength at the time of adversity" for my son?
Opinions welcome !

LIfe's Like That - 11

2008-10-29T17:28:00.005+05:30

Lady and baby went to hospital for the first set of immunization shots. While waiting for the nurse, hubby conveniently made his disappearance act.

Serious discussions were held on whether the medicines have to be combined into one shot or given as two separate shots. After what seemed like eternity, it was decided that two separate shots would be less painful. (Don't ask me why !).

Soon the nurse emerged with the syringe. The shots were administered, accompanied by loud wailing...Afterwards, lady received sweets from the nurse - afterall, the nurse was instructed to give sweets to the one who cries and not necessarily the one who receives the shots:P

Going Cuckoo

2008-10-07T16:04:00.003+05:30

Being among a dad who is totally indifferent, a mom and mom-in-law who believe they know it all, a hubby who responds to every cry of frustration and every request for help with "You have to learn to do it yourself and be independent" , I am going totally cuckoo taking care of my son. And the biggest proof of me going cuckoo is that I am still loving every moment of it !

Life's Like That - 10

2008-09-22T15:31:00.004+05:30

The results of the gene cocktail are out ! Hubby won hands down in the looks department...Apparently lady's contribution is 0% !

Two New Passions

2008-09-10T15:29:00.002+05:30

Ever since I entered the corporate jungle my constant grouse was that my brain hardly gets challenged. I mean, there are new things to learn everyday, but there is nothing that keeps my brain stretched ! Recently I have found two new passions – crossword and quizzing..

Quizzing is an old favorite – I was an avid quizzer in school, but put a full stop to it once I entered college, as decisions regarding teams representing the college were most often based on party politics ! Recently, I participated in the Tata Crucible quiz woefully under prepared, but atleast it rekindled an old passion..I have now subscribed to several quizzing blogs and it’s a challenge to ensure that all the business trivia that I read in the business papers are remembered for the weekly quizzes that appear in these blogs…You may, like my hubby ask me what is the point of collecting all these trivia in my brain…My answer is simple - I enjoy it !

Crosswords – now this was something I always wanted to attempt as a child, but there was no one to tell me how to go about it…But now, I have started trying to solve the Hindu crossword on a daily basis, I am still a rookie and the only clues I manage to solve are the anagrams and the direct clues…Other cryptic clues still escape me..I always look at the solutions the next day and try to figure out how answers were arrived it – sometimes, I fail to even identify that – that’s how fresh I am to this game ! One day, I was sitting with the puzzle and pen in my hand when my mom asked “How do you play this game?” and I said “It’s complicated, I’ll explain some other time”…The hurt expression on her face made me feel bad, but truth is I myself haven’t figured it out properly, but someday, before its too late, I hope I can tell her whatever little I know atleast !

Now that my brain is getting enough exercise, the next challenge is physical exercise …that of course will require far more motivation !

Lessons Well Learned...

2008-08-30T10:51:00.003+05:30

Sometimes lessons learned in one context help you in a totally different context...like how branding concepts can be used to improve your own personality...

One of the best lessons I've learned during b-school came, not from text books (yea, I used to read them cover to cover), professors (yes, I used to listen to them too !) or CP (I hated it, like most b-schoolers!) ...It came during our orientation (a.k.a ragging) ... It lasted for a week and I enjoyed it 'cos it just tested mental strength and was never physical or spiteful or meant to crush you...And throughout this phase most seniors sported t-shirts with this tag-line "If it doesn't kill you, it will only make you stronger" ...At that time I was too naive and didn't quite comprehend what it meant...But, that lesson has stood me in good stead ever since...in various corporate situations and now even in personal life !

PS: This proliferation of posts is thanks to a gift from hubby - a brand new Thinkpad X300 ! Afterall, since I'm in the process of getting him a 'laptop' he decided to gift me with one too ! Although hopefully my gift will be more heavy ;)

The Great Pregnancy Journal...

2008-08-28T20:34:00.005+05:30

......is something that every pregnant blogger maintains...Preferably a series, but if not at least one post is a must...After much thought I have decided to follow tradition and jot down my experiences, for posterity ! Downside risk ofcourse being that I'd delineate my predominantly male readership (which itself is just a handful!)...Anyway here goes...

First Trimester: I absolutely didn't have morning sickness...everyone thinks its a blessing ! But I say, a few bouts of puking your lungs out has its advantages...'Cos whether you suffer from morning sickness or not, your energy levels are really down during this time..and with no other visible signs to announce your pregnant state, this is the most euphemistic way of announcing it and getting the much needed seat in a crowded office bus ... It also makes family and friends reel all around you in support ! I had no such luck...The only person who joined my secret roller coaster was hubby with back massages and packed dinners...The weirdest thing was I myself sometimes forgot that I was pregnant and used to hate myself for accomplishing so less at the end of the day...

Second Trimester: This period was good fun..Not because the discomforts are any less...But for me this was the time the concept of being pregnant became less abstract with some solid kicks announcing the presence of a new life...You also have two-three functions where people gather together to celebrate your "achievement" ...I was glad that atleast this time the advices came along with sweets to eat :P

Third Trimester: I moved to my home, mainly 'cos tradition demanded it...It hasn't been exactly how I envisaged it, however there are certain clear advantages, the main one being that household chores get taken care of by someone else....I have also come to realise that happy families are where the number of adults are less...As adults, your sense of right and wrong are so strongly crystallised that, ego, invariably wins over affection...

Random Thoughts

Anticipation: With less than a month to go, I have started counting backwards such as 70 days to go, 69 days to go and so on !

Looks: I look like a beached whale and I am extremely proud of my looks :P

Advice, yet again: The latest advice of well-wishers revolve around "don't wear such tight clothes"...I wish they bought me new clothes every week instead ! Maternity wear as a concept is non-existent in this sleepy "city" and I am not keen on wasting 1000 rupees on a dress I'll wear for just 30 days...

Worry: My biggest worry is "Why is the baby not moving?" followed closely by "Will I be a good mom?" Hubby says I am causing "performance anxiety" for my baby already :P

Friends/Foes: They say adversity is the true test of who are your genuine friends...pregnancy comes a close second...

Cravings: Initially it was vadas, now its cakes and pastries...

To-Do List: Gets longer and longer each day..The superstition of not doing anything for the baby until its actually born is not helping either...I feel thoroughly ill-equipped to welcome him/her.

Out of Touch...

2008-07-29T20:24:00.003+05:30

You know you have been really really out of touch with the cyberworld when you search for 15 minutes for the option to change your profile picture in orkut and still are unable to find it :( ...I've got broadband at home after a month ! Hopefully, I will get back to my cheerful and smart cyber-self soon ....
Note to Self: I hate complicated income tax rules ...someday when I become finance minister, I shall scrap all taxes...Let the winner take all the money !

Letting Go

2008-07-13T21:39:00.002+05:30

It’s the most difficult thing to do in life…especially letting go of people who are very much alive, and are physically present near you…Logic and reason conflict with your heart…Your heart yearns to give it one more try…Logic, reason and past experience tells you not to…Not to bang against the wall and hurt yourselves…

Then your heart reminds you of the time before the walls existed…And the denial in which you lived , even when the wall was being built right in front of your eyes…even when people close to you were being pulled to the other side…even when new characters emerged on the other side…who ensured the walls were strongly built…and you helplessly watched…or sometimes screamed out in agony…tried everything possible to convince yourself that there is no wall..you poke your finger into the wet cement…creating holes through which you could see the other side…and believed that even you belonged there…only to realize that the crafty wall excluded you…and that all too soon the walls have hardened..you can no longer even peak in...and your screams are unheard…and you realize it is too late..

They promised to be by your side no matter what…. you grew up trusting them…They taught you to walk, to jump, to run and to fly…ever since memories were made it was always us vs. the world…and then suddenly it becomes me vs. them…

She left my heart…and took my precious possessions with her…and claimed sole ownership of what we shared…And strangely enough even my precious possessions never protested…
Sometimes love is not enough…

Choosing your battles...

2008-06-11T19:32:00.002+05:30

I wonder whether choosing your battles comes from the wisdom of experience or the cynicism of adulthood? Is it a loss of faith that prompts one to choose what to stand up for or is it fear of failure which makes one feel that some battles are not worth it...Personally don't know which one it is, but sometimes its really nice to let things be and enjoy the status quo with all its limitations !

Oxymoronic...

2008-06-04T18:42:00.003+05:30

I guess the only bunch of people who are gonna be happy about the petrol and LPG price hike are the pregnant women in God's Own Country..afterall the hartal offers one full day of rest right in the middle of the week !

Adulthood Losses

2008-05-22T11:59:00.003+05:30

There are many things one loses as one becomes an adult...Innocence is the first answer I get when I pose this question to most people...To me it has been friendships...I do have my bunch of close buddies even now...some who have journeyed with me through childhood, others who joined mid-way...But there is some way in which these relationships have evolved, which is not quite right...A reluctance to share secrets, especially painful ones...
I am not the prying kind and I am not generally good at keeping in touch, but that had never prevented us in the past from sharing everything that happens in our lives...we used to talk about boy friends, potential boy friends, crushes, exam blues, dreams for the future, nightmares of the present and what not...
Then somewhere along the line we became adults...and then we all started suffering in silence...no, I am not saying that we all have miserable lives...On the contrary, most of us have very blessed lives, especially when viewed from the outside...But then, tragedies do strike...and we know about them very late...a friend who has been talking happily about her marriage suddenly goes through a divorce...another loses someone very dear to a terminal illness...and in all these cases, we know of it much later...after the event, after the pain has transformed them...I know distance and lack of frequent communication could be reasons...But, deep inside my heart I know that even if I had constantly kept in touch, we would never have talked about these...or even the day to day problems..of adjusting to life and its requirements...we all know very well that we would support each other, if we know the other person is in pain...but still we hardly reach across and ask for help...
Somehow adulthood cocoons us...and it no longer feels right that I talk about my problems with others...or ask them , 'is everything alright?' Is it social conditioning or is it fear of being judged or is it something else? I don't know...But we all live in private worlds...and grapple with adult ghosts at night...only, this time the screams are silent...

Family Vs Strangers

2008-05-09T08:38:00.003+05:30

"Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof" - Richard Bach.

These days fear of strangers is very high among most people, especially in the virtual world...and they claim that it is legitimately so...Well, I am not too sure which is better - protecting oneself or protecting one's belief in mankind and human spirit...Agreed, there are people out there who are ever willing to exploit your naivety...But does naivety have to go hand in hand with trust? Does being not naive mean you don't trust strangers anymore? I, for one have always had pen friends, strangers from lands as far as Russia to as near as next door...I have made my mistakes believing in stories which sometimes were untrue...I have reached out to people who did not deserve it...But, that has never prevented me from opening the doors of my mind and my house to a perfect stranger...

To a large extent, the credit goes to the kind of upbringing I've had..I was never prevented from being friends with anyone right from childhood...Sometimes when people try to warn me that "XYZ could be a bad influence on you", my standard retort used to be "Well, I can be a good influence on them" ... The only advice I've had with regard to strangers from my parents have been "Trust your own instincts and don't let your feelings blind your instincts" and that is one solid advice that has stood me in good stead...I have managed to have the faith in myself to risk trusting unknown people...and managed to make mistakes that were not grave enough to kill my spirits..afterall, "if it doesn't kill you it will only make you stronger!"

I believe every stranger deserves a chance - a chance to be trusted and loved and helped, no matter what your other bitter experiences have been...I am glad even in these times my belief in human beings is still intact...

Life's Like That - 9

2008-04-29T16:27:00.003+05:30

Lady's Genes: Straight Hair, Black Eyes, Mercurial, Wild, Oxymoronic, Serious, Dreamy
Hubby's Genes: Big Nose, Brown Eyes, Calm and Composed, Conservative (or so others believe!) , Loving, Intelligent, Funny, Pragmatic
The gene cocktail has been prepared. And we are eagerly awaiting the outcome !

Daily Miracles...

2008-04-11T11:06:00.003+05:30

For the past few days, due to a variety of personal reasons I have been having breakfast at the office canteen. Today, I was serving myself idlis which looked more like hard stones and suddenly I became all nostalgic about the soft fluffy idlis my grandma used to make...At that moment I would have given all my worldly possessions just to get one more of those soft idlis...I was myself surprised by this feeling since I am not particularly fond of idlis (whether soft or hard) and I wasn't sure whether I missed my grandma more or her idlis more...As I went to my table telling myself to come to terms with reality, something really amazing happened - My friend, who had bought breakfast from home opened her tiffin box and handed me one of the softest idlis I have ever eaten in my life with the words "Try these idlis - these are soft !".
P.S We usually never share food and I didn't verbally express even the slightest dislike for the idlis from the canteen...I don't know what prompted her to give me what I was sooo badly desiring to eat with exactly the words I was soo badly wishing to hear...You may call it freak coincidence - I like to call it daily miracles !

Assumptions...

2008-04-08T15:17:00.002+05:30

...are the mother of all f!@# ups" My earlier boss used to say it every time we were close to messing up some work based on assumptions about the client's business...I couldn't agree more...It seems like such a universal phenomenon that each human being, each living and non-living creature, each situation is unique...Still, we all never stop assuming things...I am amazed by the number of times people assume causing unncessary waste of time and resources to correct situations...In personal life too I have innumerable such instances...
A typical example are my loving in-laws who keep forcing me to take back food from a party they host (which is very often), assuming that it will be easier for me to just heat it up and eat rather than cook...unfortunately neither hubby nor me enjoys it and ultimately it just ends up as extra work of throwing the food away, clearing the garbage, washing the dishes and ensuring all vessels are returned properly...No amount of communication has helped resolve this problem where my in-laws again assume that I am just being polite in refusing the food...Any creative suggestions to escape this dillemma are most welcome ! In fact, make that more generic...How do you tell a loved one that their assumptions about your life are wrong and you do not intend to change your lifestyle to suit their assumptions?

"It's My Life !"

2008-03-24T13:06:00.004+05:30

I have heard this phrase a lot of times...have used it too...in my idealistic and fairly self-centered youth, I used to believe it as well...but not anymore...'cos some thought and a fair bit of being on the receiving side of this statement has made me realize that it is the last weapon that one uses to get away with behaviour that's otherwise unacceptable...I have seen several youngsters marrying cross community (and the cosmopolitan mindset in me still feels there is nothing wrong with it)...however problem starts when they themselves aren't cosmopolitan enough...most cross community marriages do not result in a secular family...instead one party (mostly the girl) switches religion, much to the discomfort of her own family...but, suddenly family and well wishers become "too narrow minded"...the fact that it is narrow mindedness on the other side that caused this - "I willingly converted..." situation, is conveniently forgotten and labelled as "That's the practical thing to do...". Hopes and aspirations on one side are completely dashed for the sake of "pure love that is blind to caste, creed and religion" ...

Earlier, families used to disown kids who marry outside their religion....But today things are different...With nuclear families mushrooming and with the pressure of acting "open minded" , parents and relatives of the girl often bend backwards to accommodate the unreasonable demands of the guy starting from how the wedding should be held to how the future grandchild should address its grandparents....

Parents often treat such "erring kids" as the proverbial prodigal daughter and try their best to not miss any opportunity to maintain the connections...often fiercely protecting them and ignoring the feelings of other members of the family.... and ultimately when these kids get whatever they require from their parents they go ahead with their life often migrating to foreign lands "so as to avoid the stigma", leaving behind the hassled parents with no one to even turn to for comfort, as by now they would have effectively converted all other "friends and family" to "enemies" ....

At each of these stages starting from the initial announcement of "I wanna get married to him" to "I wanna get married like this" to "You please take care of my kids" to "I better leave India" to "I am sorry, mom I can't come back to help you", there will be people who try to broker peace...and they are rudely shown the door with a blanket "It's my life !"

I do not think "It's my life!" is reason enough to hurt everyone around you by your acts !

P.S This post is not about opposing inter-religious marriages...It just points to the need for greater sensitivity towards both families in such situations, which sadly is often missing !

Life's Like That - 8

2008-03-11T06:42:00.003+05:30

Hubby and lady on an amazing trip to North East India...Stay and food were arranged in Army messes at various points...Now, the thing about Army mess food is, it is a complete diet - as per nutrition charts...however the same cannot be said about the variety...Lunch invariably consists of dal,roti,sabzi and rice (hardly cooked)....And as soon as you land in anyone's house you are greeted with a glass of water...and some sandwiches...even the filling doesn't change across geographies...its always tomato sauce and green chatni...(reminiscent of tri-colour, I guess...) Anyway, hubby being the typical south indian "Give me idli, sambhar and fish curry , any day" kind of guy was getting a bit overwhelmed by this hospitality.
Hubby and lady were on their way from Guwahati to Gangtok and morning breakfast was packed (the ubiquitous green and red sandwich)..On reaching Gangtok, they were served with water and another set of sandwiches, this time with three layers - tomato sauce, butter and green chutni....Hubby couldn't take it any more and blurted out "oh, pada pedichu pandhalathu poyappol avide pandham koluthi pada"...Barely had he finished, than the person who served us politely said "Sir, njan Subaidar Pillai...Nattil Pandhalathanu...Sirinu vere enthengilum veno?"

You scratch my back...

2008-02-16T08:10:00.005+05:30

...and is it always necessary that I should scratch back in return? I am talking about blogs here...There seems to be an unwritten rule that you comment to receive comments...not to express your opinion on what is written...but just to increase your own blogs' popularity...I find that quite repulsive...I believe that a writer, a genuine one, does not need any kind of encouragement to come up with excellent pearls...It's jus incubated within him...And he has to write...Being regular is not the mandate...Being exquisite is...The price and the attention the world pays is not what matters...There are absolutely irregular blogs out there which I visit regularly in the hope that there would be some piece today...'cos its worth the wait...and I never tire of waiting...On the other hand there are blogs which are fairly regular which churn out stuff which can easily be given a miss !
Same goes for design...I'd any day rather strain my eyes and read an original blog than a plain black and white one...and if you are not a great designer, then stick to black and white....I'll still like it...'cos u've done it for your own reasons....not for my reading pleasure....
When blogs started, they started off as personal spaces which people wanted to share with the world...then came competitive measures such as how many comments do I recieve and how many readers do I recieve...and thus the ugly head of competition reared its head...in the pseudoname of networking... and like-mindedness bloggers started forming groups....emotions like jealousy, and envy slowly but surely entered...and sadly some of them even went to the extent to trying to blacklist others who had more readership than them...
I wonder why the sheer pleasure of writing is not sufficient to keep your blog going ! And why keep it going when the pleasure is no longer there? Why twist a hobby to a job? Beats me !

There are upteen articles out there which tell you how to increase readership for your blog...But this post is inspired by my utter shock on reading a blog article on the same topic...I was shocked because I thought the writer wrote for the sheer love of writing and that the no. of visitors didn't matter to him...i was quite aghast to realise I was wrong...No, I am not linking him here and thus "watching out" for him...

Causes...

2008-02-03T16:47:00.000+05:30

...these days everyone I meet seem to be championing a cause...it can range from the beggar to the King (read politics), from vegeterianism (that's the way to protect animals !) to "eat an egg a day" ("you need to save the poultry farmer first !") from scientific atheism to faithful worship ...

The sheer diversity of these causes is mind boggling....Sometimes, I feel, if everyone takes care of themselves then we need not have champions to propogate causes...ofcourse, my champion friends disagree...and do so vehemently..most of these champions think of others (who do not champion the cause) as lesser mortals, ignorant of the problems...and the cause that they are championing as something that requires active intervention from more privileged souls like them...

The worst is when they try to enlist you for the cause...Most of them try all known tricks of persuausion...from cajoling and pleading to challenging and daring you to act...sometimes, even threatening you with dire consequences..."The Artic Ocean will melt unless you stop using your refrigerator right away" to "you shall rot in hell if you don't accept your Saviour" ....

I mean, by all means, express your opinions and even propogate your cause....but atleast be open for a healthy discussion...Afterall, when has fixated opinions ever brought about change?

Dreaming of 2008

2008-01-18T22:03:00.000+05:30

Had written about what I wanted to do in 2007 here. A year has passed, with some dreams fulfilled, and others still in the pipeline...Here's a list of what I want to do in 2008..

1. Bake a cake - Have always wanted to do this...Hubby dear, are you listening? Get me an oven, plssss.....And while you are at it, do get me the recipe books, the cake mix et al...May be you can even do the baking yourselves :P

2. Go to Leh and Switzerland - This year, no matter what, I'll definitely do this.

3. Learn a new language - either French or Japanese. They say it prevents Alzheimers , so why not ....

4. Spread Cheer - I really don't know how to go about doing this, but I want to be able to bring a smile to people's lives....Not the 'I am at peace with myself' kind of smile, but the heady feeling of happiness you feel when you are on top of the mountain with the wind against your face ! And it need not be the under privileged group...Increasingly I find people who seem to not need any help whatsoever are the ones who are in constant search for that elusive pat on the back, the sensitive shoulder to cry on, the firm hand to hold on....and most importantly that intelligent brain which can laugh without a cue !

Wonder how many of these would come true after 12 months !

Of Castles and Ruins

2008-01-17T23:26:00.000+05:30

Somewhere castles get built....and elsewhere they crumble into ruins...Old friends...who used to know a tear in your heart from miles across...then their life turns messy...and they build fortresses....and forget to give you a map...you knock on the doors...they toss you a key....but the frost inside is unbearable...you turn back...and walk away...only to discover a beautiful virtual world where your friend is King...you feel proud...and then realise...he never told you about the conquest...you wonder whether to gate crash and say "great job"...or to watch from a distance...like watching the night sky...and the stars there....
Then, there is guilt....of whether you were on the wrong side - in that ever so thin line between reaching across and interfering....
Friend, I wish I could turn back time...

Isn't it a wonder ....

2008-01-09T19:46:00.000+05:30

... that the same set of people sometimes tell you that "Repeating a lie a thousand times does not make it a truth" and at other times preach to you the power of self-suggestion :P

New Year Wishes

2008-01-06T19:45:00.001+05:30

May you have :

The confidence to dream ,
The freedom to make your dreams into reality ...
The ability to think profound,
The power to reject any philosophy in which 'care and concern' is not the epicentre ,
The wisdom to know that no story is complete unless all characters speak...
The knowledge to express your thoughts lucidly...
The courage to act like visionaries in everyday life

Happy New Year !

Wishing everyone happiness, health, love, success and all the good things in life !*

(*Whichever way all these are defined in your mind!)

Random Thoughts...

2007-12-27T20:26:00.000+05:30

These days I think a lot about ....

- Peace vs. Convictions
- Independence vs. Affection
- Joy vs. Duty
- Dreams vs. Love

Tough Choices !!!

In Retrospect...

2007-12-20T00:00:00.000+05:30

...the year that 's breathing its last was like any other year to me - a mixed bag. But, today I just want to look back and feel good about all the things that went right for me...So here goes...Rather, before I proceed this is a purely selfish exercise in vanity expected to boost my own morale...so whoever doesn't like the sound of blowing trumpets, please save yourselves...

1. We got a worldspace connection and a bose music system ...Made the music lover in me happy....

2. Went to Japan and Wayanad and several smaller weekend trips - my travel dreams were satiated - all the trips were really amazing ...

3. I got myself a Canon IXUS 910 ...suits my need for a shoot and click camera quite well

4. The first rose in my garden bloomed...I started with an empty pot and a shovel, and I am not really blessed with a green thumb, and so I was thrilled to bits when I actually saw it...

5. I got to spend more time with my nephew who is an adorable 3 yr old bundle of pure fun !

6. Read a lot of books - something I had wanted to do as part of my plans for the year.

Well, there were a lot of things that went wrong too, but that will spoil the spirit of the season...

Here's me signing off... with some more snaps that capture moments of pure joy....

Is my blog dying?

2007-12-06T19:13:00.000+05:30

That's something that I worry about these days a lot...no, I am not suffering from any creative block...on the contrary my mind is bubbling with ideas...unfortunately my office has decided to conserve bandwidth and block blogger :( .....and I am at my creative best at office....after spending close to 15 hrs a day in front of a computer, there is no way I can take time out at home to post stuff....I wonder how to solve this dilemma.....

I wonder

2007-11-29T21:02:00.000+05:30

When dreams are burning, will tears act as a fire extinguisher?

Work-Life Balance

2007-11-14T16:32:00.000+05:30

The other day I was chatting with a colleague of mine and he said that it was unfair to expect women to stay back late to finish off work. I said I don't subscribe to the views since if both men and women are paid equally then they are expected to share the burden equally as well. To which he responded "maybe, but then family suffers" ...I didn't agree to this logic too...
My take on the issue can be roughly summarised as follows:

There are enough variety of jobs that are available in the market. Some are high in demand in terms of time, others in terms of mental effort and still others in terms of physical effort. There are also other jobs available which are more relaxed, but obviously with a corresponding lower pay packet. It is up to the individual to choose what lifestyle he prefers.

Very often, I have seen women crying hoarse saying that their work place is not women-friendly. I have seen these very women neglect policies like 'work half hours for half pay'. Instead they expect to be paid the full salary for doing half the work and expect the bachelors or male colleagues to work extra hard !!

I am not a feminist and I agree that there may be different roles for men and women , but stereotyping is an equally problematic solution. Ideally, men and women should be allowed to pursue their dreams and the 'not so interesting' chores should be mutually shared within the family. By this I mean, if the lady wants to stay at home and look after kids the husband should be fully supportive and not treat her as if she is doing a lesser job...and in a similar vein if she wants to pursue her career she should be supported for that too...and the job of child rearing should be mutually shared. It is not fair to expect a profit oriented company or strangers to take care of your labour of love...

Workplace is meant to satisfy your professional ambitions, if you want to take time off, then realise your priorities and don't expect to get the best of all worlds while free riding on others ' shoulders !

Well, my colleague responded like most others "once you have a kid , then you will know..."..Well, when I was single and I used to hold these views, the "experienced" voices said "once you get married, then you will know...". I have gotten married to a wonderful and supportive guy who ensures that my professional dreams and my personal dreams are both satisfied...He shares the "burdens" equally...And so I never pass on my work to others, inorder to rush home...If I need to leave early, I plan my work accordingly.. I rarely ever mention my marital status at work...

After all I believe that support for women should begin from home and not from the workplace...

And I do hope that even after my kids arrive, they don't become an excuse for my laziness ! At the end of the day everyone has a choice - if life becomes hectic, one can always stay at home - it's an equally honorable choice !

And, I hope my friend marries someone whose dreams match his expectations of a wife's role !!!

Anonymously Yours....

2007-11-05T09:02:00.000+05:30

This post has been long overdue...Had been wanting to write about this one for maybe about 2-3 months now...But never got around to it...Yes this post is about anonymity in the blog world....

There are a lot of people out there who scorn at anonymous comments ! They have even gone to the extent of disabling them...Others like me enable comment filtering...That's another way of keeping anonymous comments at bay...or maybe , like in my case, to prevent spamming ! After all, I don't want my personal space in blog world to be someone else's ad campaign...Its more like a 'Stick No Bills' in front of my compound wall....

But, coming back to the topic...why is anonymous comments looked down upon? The world wide web is a virtual place meant for virtual identities....Atleast that's my take on it...You are being too naive if you think that having an e-mail id lends credibility to your opinions...

I, for one, have a pseudo name, but that's not to hide my identity...It's just fun...I have my blog address prominently displayed in my orkut profile (yes, so who says I'm not narcissistic anyways !)...and a very little effort of any one's part will reveal my true identity...

There may be others out there who use pseudo names to protect their identities...for their own set of reasons...does that make their opinion any less valid? I know of a lot of friends who leave comments anonymously 'cos of the sheer laziness to sign in...

Ok, now coming to the biggest grouse against anonymous comments....sometimes, these are used for flaming...and for leaving non palatable comments ...But, my point is, someone out there thinks you are a jerk...and he/she says it...accept it or ignore it...or maybe even call them a jerk back...but why say that if you wanna call me a jerk, please add your name (real/fictitious) at the end?

The web is a virtual world, and it will remain so, if you want the comfort of meeting flesh and blood, then step out of your cubbyhole and feel the breeze on your face ! (And maybe even a fist :P)

Corporate Weirdos - Part 6

2007-10-25T11:24:00.001+05:30

Yes, I'm doing this series after a long time. But, today I'm not gonna talk about 'weirdos' in the strict sense of the term. This is a practical problem faced by all organizations (well, almost all)...It is the lack of support from the 'support' teams in the firm....Many, have written humorous and not so humorous accounts of difficulties faced from HR, Network team, Finance Desk and Travel Desk...

I have been subject to very rude treatment from my support teams the past two days, despite me trying to pamper their egos infinitely...and that made me wonder why? My answer lies here:

1. Under paid and over worked: Most often they compare salaries with people in the line functions and feel that they are being under paid and over worked...The feeling that they are doing a thankless job adds to their frustrations...The end result is they never lose a chance to test the patience of the 'better-offs'...

2. Lack of training: While these teams are busy organising and funding trainings, nobody bothers to train them on how to treat the rest of the organization as their internal clients. The very least they can be taught is to shed their high handedness and treat people who are literally at their mercy with some mercy :P

3. The 'us' vs 'them' approach: That's the mindset which governs the relationship between line functions and support teams most often. The line function very often considers the support teams 'second rung' citizens, and in turn get treated that way when they approach for 'support'...I guess, if this adversarial mentality is dropped and if truly both sides work as one, administrative hassles in most organizations can drop significantly...

4. Multiple levels of approvals: While these are essentially a sign of good internal control, I feel a much better way is to trust your employees and then punish defaulters harshly...Most often, employees will not misuse trust, especially when the consequences are costly...

I hope corporate senior managements wake up and realise the importance of these teams in making organizations 'people friendly' and allocate budgets accordingly...And I hope both sides treat each other as human beings....

Wild Wayanad...

2007-10-23T08:56:00.000+05:30

..that's where I was, two weeks back. And I was thoroughly smitten...Atleast if there is a heaven, I'd pretty much like it to be as pristine and wild (oxymoronic???) as Wayanad...I have never been to any other place where I could see deers on the roadside ... It was rainy season and the 'wise' elders realised that warnings of danger are not gonna make us change plans. They then resorted to teasing about "oh, you guys going for monsoon tourism , eh?" (the hidden innuendos of 'water kindling fire' very much in place) ...

We ofcourse ended up missing the 'Meenmutty Falls' and the 'Chembra Peak'...But there was still plenty to see around...and actually relax...the air I'm sure had more oxygen content or whatever ingredient that makes a human being happy...

Unlike the upteen school excursions to Thekkady, where one is lucky to see atleast an elephant, we actually saw wild boars, elephants, peacocks and even a wild hen....

The only grouch my civilised self had was an absence of television....
I left with a promise to return...

P.S My 'broad'band connection didn't cooperate, hence pictures later...